Old Journal Entries, before my Stroke

— Old Journal Entries, before my Stroke in 2004 —


 

About a year and a half before my stroke, I came across this in my journals. I’m not a constant journal writer, but I do tend to have my moments to write down my thoughts for therapeutic value. Hopefully, for the reader too.

 

Journal Entries from the Last Week of April

  • 04/27/03

The world is spinning quickly, yet mankind sees only night and day. They feel no g-force, and they cling to nothing to maintain their footing.

They are ignorant of the mechanism around them. If ignorance is truly bliss, then why is this world such a sad place?

As night passes to day, or as day passes to night, such as youth passes to old age.

It may seem as forever at the start of the day, but as dusk approaches, the night follows quickly.

 

Journal Entries from May

  • 05/01/03

After watching a documentary on love and relationships in Singapore, mostly from a women’s point of view, I’ve come to the conclusion that love has no conclusion.

It remains a mystery to those who try to find it or interpret it, yet it surrounds those who practice it.

 

  • 05/10/03

People turn their responsibilities and relationships on and off like light switches. As it suits their needs or wants.

I wish no part of their darkness, or their flip of the switches.

If one can not face the truth about themselves, then their time in darkness is their own choice.

The mirror doesn’t save your face, and is not the reality you live. It’s only a drug for your pain, a drink for your mood. In the end, you are left a junkie, or an alcoholic, drowning in your sorrows.

 

  • 05/17/03

The Capitalist and the Socialist, the right and the left, the Conservatives and the Liberals, the weights of the balances on the scales of justices determining the laws of society.

Each looking for a stronger force to counter each other, but in the struggle there is no just balance.

The desire for power leaves society rocking from side to side, and the wealth is worn away from the constant rolling. As wealth dwindles, the debt increases.

 

  • 05/26/03

A Memorial Day has come again, and the memories of those lost, and those who remain, bring pain and joy. A struggle to accept the state of the world.

It seems they seek another war/invasion by December, and the press ignores the documents, and the agendas of the executive branch personnel.

The people are sedated by morsels, and feasts for their hunger. They are over stimulated by information, and seek isolation from confrontation with truth, or deciding between right and wrong.

Repetitive practices on limited information is being enacted by the press, and falsehoods becomes absolutes to the masses, and policy is becoming more militaristic. Paranoia disperses to both sides of the groove/wound, and like puss, it spreads the infection.

 

Conclusion of the Journal Entries

These journal entries brings insight to me, and should bring insight to you, the reader too.

Paranoia is a detriment when delusional, or a heightened awareness, when it’s not delusional. It’s a sign of madness, according to the Greek origins of the word.

I’m a mad man, but I’m rationally sane at the same time.

 

The fact that you read them, and what you do with those insights, will either curse you or bless you. I planted the seeds. What grows from you is either invasive, or natural.

Every word that we say, is a seed.

It sparks, for more action, or relaxation. It all depends on the nature of your soil. If it is tilled, it will accept a new seed, but a rock hard soil will not accept a new seed. Usually someone not happy with life, has a freshly tilled soil. Fretting and worrying about everything, is the tilling of the soils of the heart.

Anyway, grow good things from what I said, and weed out the bad things that pop up.