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02 Tomidjah’s Say – October


Tomidjah’s Journal

Where I talk to myself, and make sense of this corruptible world, and remove the errors from my mind, for sanity’s purposes… when I read, what I’ve written here, in my peace of mind in silence.


Do What You Say

This song “Do What You Say”, saying what you mean, or it will haunt you in your memories, as a ghost of the past. … and a whole host of other literary stories, written on that theme… ghosts, spirits, memories… they’re all connected to your life.

It all depends on how you look at it, cause everyone has their own perspective of life… and it’s the street you’re one right now, or a certain location in life… that determines your prospective, and it joins with your perspective, so it will be a smooth transition.  No speed bumps, or pot holes, it’s a smooth road, from your past to your future.

I saw this piece on Buffy Sainte-Marie’s phoniness by Fifth Estate, and then I saw Buffy’s side of the story, and it revealed the native’s inadequacies in documenting their own history, or by white man’s distorting their records of adoption.

Then the thought of sexual abuse entered the picture, by Buffy’s own words… I just marveled me into confusion again, cause I wasn’t sexually abused, but by myself in puberty’s experience, so I had no reference to it with someone foreign from me… touching me in a weird way.

Incestuously or anything like that… it brings up my sexual feelings, when I was 6 years old in Brooklyn, and was turned on by my sister, until my Dad made it known to me, I was wrong, and it was wrong to have sex with my sister.

I was is an early puberty factor, I was only 6-7 years old… I felt God, was cruel to give me the wrong feelings… God can be cruel, and a blessing in the same instance… God has always been a mystery for me.

To get back to the records keeping nature of humanity… I can relate to it with my VA records.

Where my medical records were missing, maybe by inadequacies in record keeping, or by some nurse who got a conscience, and decided it needs to be missing…  so I can feel for the lies or missing records…
So I’ve been called delusional more times, than I deserved…
Well, not to my face, but no one knows, I feel what your thinking, like a dog knows when you’re scared… it senses your vibrations.

Vibrations are a keys to life itself, I don’t understand it yet, but I know that it’s a linear understanding, connected to other dimensions of life… there’s so many layers of life… connecting with higher dimensions, and so on, and so on, till there is an infinite levels of life… filling the whole universe, and beyond that too.

It’s beyond my imagination’s capability of understanding, right now. But in the future, who knows?

Well, this was supposed to be a short edition to this post… and it turned into a deep one… when it was meant to be a short dive… but it was personally for me, a deep one.


All I Have Is Time

I used this distorted picture of time pieces, referring to my distortions of times in my reflections… and my observations are being distorted too, mainly by my pride.

All I Have Is Time, is something I reflected on before going to war in Iraq, which I was against from the beginning, and it was all based on lies… for the corporate riches of oil, and NOT WMDs.

I figure I’ll post my choices of songs, till I finally quit this journal, and get back to my real life… which is a mystery to me, and random existence of doing the best I can.

“Catch a ride with some passing pride” is a distortion of the reflections of time in my mind, and is a self serving reflection keeping me sane, in a world so lost in the madness. It’s like a delusional force field to keep me in a separate time frame, from the madness of insanity… so I stay sane in my own mind.

At least it’s my interpretation of it, in hindsight… as I listen to it now on loop playing.

This was written in 2002-2003, I was more upset by Bush being elected in 2000, and the cover up by the financial fiasco the day before 9/11 happened, and was quickly swept under the rug of public knowledge after that, and it went into total oblivion… I remember the national debt was in billions in the 80’s, before the new millennium came, and then it was in trillions.

I don’t want to harp on the financial fiascos, with antiquated systems in the same building on separate floors, that they were not capable of communicating with each other… it’s like Calvin and Hobbes comics, giving  our incompetence in a humorous interpretation… to quell the need to know.

So, we could live in ignorant bliss forever… being a dodo is a peaceful existence, but I would want to know about it… like daydreaming, while looking out the window of a train, through life’s experiences… while the dodo’s are reading their fictional books, and not experiencing the reality around them… I would rather, like to experience the reality around me, and my daydreaming is my thinking of the reality around me… it’s much better than reading.

Ecclesiastes 12:11-12
“The words of the wise are like goads,
|and the words of scholars are like well-driven nails, given by one Shepherd.
And further, my son, be admonished by these.
Of making many books there is no end, and much study is wearisome to the flesh.”

I’d rather experience things, than read about them, cause then it’s written on my heart, than something I need to remember… cause with age your memory goes into the oblivion realm, and you might as well be dead… or be smiling with content of your life… but always be cheerful, and showing contentment, the best that you can.

Cause that’s what you all have… is time… don’t waste it.


One More Gust of Wind

Feel The Rain

This was a song I wanted to include in yesterday’s post, but I had to remix it, to raise the volume of it.

Me, and Mike McFee(RIP 2020) had a drum kit in the NY studio, before I left in 1996, and moved to Sitka, AK for three years, before I moved to Kalispell, MT for the last 25 years.

It’s about the emotional pains/rains that fall into my thoughts, and makes weeds grow uncontrollably, and propagate all over, until my personal garden, is nothing but weeds.

I hate watering weeds, I’d much rather burn them with a propane torch, from the 5 gallon tank of propane that I have.

Spams are a part of my pains, like thunder in the distance from the nerve spasms… the spasms are the lightning flashes.

This is the thundering from news flashes of the ground assault by the IDF… they should catch Hamas, it would spare the normal and civil Palestinians from the bombing of their houses, and it should… Israel and it’s settlers in the West Bank area are stirring up, what’s gotten stuck to the West Banks bottom of the pot.

Israel needs a slap in the face, for someone going hysterical with destruction and bombing making the people suffering by destroying their houses…

Psalms 82:6
I said, “You are gods, And all of you are children of the Most High.“”

Stirring up the pot doesn’t dissolve it, it only brings up resentment of the forgotten memories, which gets fed more violence, to get stuck again to the bottom of the memory pot… which requires more violence to set it straight, which requires more memories to dissolve/resolve, and make sure they don’t stick to the bottom of the pot again.

The uncertainty of the winds that blow, you are blind to, and don’t see your own blindness, while you feel your way, around your own destructions. It’s like watching rats in the maze, fighting with each other over a piece of cheese/land, and wanting the whole piece of cheese/nation, instead of a bite size portion… you have settlers to share it with… which needs to respect the Palestinians.

Stop holding grudges from the past, I saw an Israeli spokesman, say the UN has failed them today, but without the UN, Israel wouldn’t exist today… they formed your right for Palestinian land for you to exist in 1948.

You have the US as an arms/drugs dealer for your destruction in your wars, and they veto the UN Security Council Sessions that are not in your favor… like a total ceasefire.

UN needs to be revamped with a common goals and powers, that are fair for all the globe’s nations… now it’s like me, a disabled vet, who can’t walk, and solve the simple things/problems in life.

You got your piece of cheese, and want the whole cow, from where it came from.

I feel the Rains, and I’m a fragile sprout.


Where The Wind Blows

Where the Wind Blows is a song I wrote before my stroke in September 2004, and it scars my world, and it changes the physical perceptions, but the scars remain the same. It’s a contradiction of life, and the times of seeking, and never finding the answers… but at least you’re moving and breathing, and getting focus on what you’re looking for.

So keep on seeking, you’ll eventually reach it, and it will all make sense in the end… and you’ll feel fulfilled, and start a new adventure/life.

I went with the windy theme for this post, and this is Lynn Voorhees singing the “Right Now”, if there is a wind sound, then it’s posted… and I want to talk about it… with twitter insights.

It’s all simple jams in the NY studio, and it seemed special to her… so I added my bad git playing, it’s funny how your views change on your perceptions of God, the most masterful mystery in the world… and you shouldn’t stop searching for that mystery.

My views have changed from my introduction to God with a Catholic school education, all the way through searching out other religions to find the mystery… God.

Then I broke down and accepted whatever God was, and I didn’t think I knew all about God, and that reoccurring dream made sense, Jesus kept avoiding me in the dream, and I wanted to talk with him, but when I stopped chasing him, he would be about a foot from me, and said I needed to follow him… but when I followed him… he kept on avoiding me.

It felt like I was abandoned… and then a deeper meaning took the place of the dream… you can’t cage God with religions, the bars of not growing, and not flying free… you are safe to greet another day, but behind bars like a prison cell, and not free to fly.

I like my freedoms to know God…

This is Mike McFee’s song 4AM Thunder, with my added guitar riffs… it’s a mellow song with some tense moments, of the coming storms… it will all end well.

It reminds me of Israel’s war with Hamas in Gaza… only because it’s occupying our minds in the news today, I don’t think that was on Mike’s mind, when he came up with this song, but who knows… he was somewhere else in another dimension, at times with his epilepsy.

Another dimension is what he brought to my life… so bizarre at times, but always with love & truth, I just had to figure what he was saying.

Mike McFee and Me creating this song It Can Come Down Hard, with sound fx of thunder and rain. It supposed to take you into another dimension of your listening mind, it started of someone of who wanted a piece of the cake and eat it too, we broke up and we both went our separate ways, seeking our own stepping stones to new levels… when it’s slow, remember it can come down hard.

Can come down hard, it’s the rains of pains, that torment you, or torture you, with emotional pains, which clouds your decisions and judgments… and it’s the transitioning moments of our lives, where we suffer from emotional pains in our lives, and seek a new beginning… and eventually you’ll find a normalized life, but the message is, you’ll always have to face the storms of emotional pains in the future.

This is another song I made up before my stroke in 2004, Fear Not Here, it was another anti war song about invading Iraq, and the fears of the political lies bombarding our minds, exasperating our fears, and I took the speech of FDR to make it clear, that fears are what we have to fear.

The recent Pandemic, was what made me see the faults of Humankind, zoomed in like a microscope on fears, and making you do things, that were questionable before… when you were rational and reasonable.
But now you were infected with the virus called fear… and you would cower to protect yourself, and get a vaccine, but you don’t know what the effects of the vaccine would do to your body in the future.

I’m not going to go deep in the zooming in on fear, as I did… it was worse than getting the vaccine… I figure I will die, as all of you will, it’s inevitable… no need to fear it, but shine the light of whichever deity you follow, and go through the death doors without the virus called fear.

Cause it’s a heavy cross to carry, and it concerns the weights of all the people you love, and what bothered them in this life… well, I see everyone as member of my global family… so since I’m a bachelor/priest/loner, I carry that heavy cross… without the virus of fears.


Dragons = Egos

This is Joseph Campbell, and he has some very interesting insights on life itself. Slay your dragons, or go in peace with them… I choose, to go in peace with them. It’s a chore, but so is a wife, like you’re married to your ego… so deal with it, and try to smile.

I guess, I need to watch it again, cause there I many things he said, that I need to think about again, and ponder about what it means.

I read in the book of Revelation that the dragon gave him the power, so this is what ego is, it’s what you want, and go and take it for yourself… it gives you power.

It’s sick that the beasts, take it in the shadows in the darkness of their minds, instead of the lightness of their minds.

I’ve been trying to understand the egos, since I had a stroke, which was like getting hit in the head with a 2×4 piece of wood, which wiped out my logic banks of my brain. I didn’t find that out till someone showed me a bill, and I couldn’t make the connections in my brain, as I used to do… I would go into space in a trance.

This made sense to me, it’s like going with the flow… floating on the river, till the next arrival in life’s destination.

Blasphemy egos, running wild on Earth, feeding the lies with their political tits… so they grow up into a grown up to be chronic liars, to fill the walls with their faces, in the halls of justices and failures.

Judges hall, it will be called… and the media personalities, will fill those halls with their TV news stations.

I‘m at my wit’s end again… judging Israel for not ratifying the Protocol I of the Geneva Convention

  • Articles 51 and 54 outlaw indiscriminate attacks on civilian populations, and destruction of food, water, and other materials needed for survival. Indiscriminate attacks include directly attacking civilian (non-military) targets, but also using technologies whose scope of destruction cannot be limited.[13] A total war that does not distinguish between civilian and military targets is considered a war crime.


I guess I’m done trying to justify this war with a person in prison, why not send him to International Criminal Court and let them decide on it…I would like to send Israel to court, and let them defend themselves from Hamas… but I’m not God, or maybe I am.

Psalms 82:6
“I said, “You are gods, And all of you are children of the Most High.”


I’m at my Wit’s End,
With the Middle East,
& Trying to find Resolve With It

I guess I’m at my wit’s end in trying to understand the media, and they’re trying to find resolve in it… cause they’re just as dumb as me.

So, I question why I’m asking for resolve, from someone just as dumb as me, and it reminds me of a metaphysical class, I had in college, where when the class ended, I had more questions, then when the class started.

There was no resolve, and I had more questions, than before I watched it on youtube… it only showed me a basis for questions, and answers by someone else, that were formed by their opinions and speculations.
Editorial truths are nothing more than speculative lies, displayed in a way of masking them with truth, like a Halloween mask. It’s what they want to see, but in no way, is it real.

It all depends on the reporters confidence, if they can pass it off as truth. Storytellers, are what journalists are, but they are telling the story, as if its true, cause they work as journalist truth tellers, but their is a thin line separating Propaganda from Truth.

It’s hard to separate waters as borders… truth or propaganda.

I guess, as we all guess from our experiences, to discern between good and evil… some would choose evil, and they’re happy, and some would choose good, and they’re happy… well, when we go to war, there is so much unhappiness and sadness, and more death to deal with.

Cause that is the fruit of the War tree, DEATH… and it scared me when I was younger, cause I knew I had to eat it in the future, but now I’m not so scared of it now, cause I know it’s not my design… or choice.

It’s a mystery to me, there is this saying in the book of Psalms:

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;
For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

God will guide me through death’s door, and I’ll see what’s on the other side of death’s door… and be marveled, or be put to sleep, and sweetly dream of the future… and not have the nightmares of hell.

Though it can be entertaining for the audiences, if it has a good ending.

Hollywood is making sick movies now, and fewer and fewer have a good ending… they are making movies for profit’s sake, and no human mind is writing the scripts… AI has taken over that job of screenwriters, or will in the future… algorithms will rule the world… that is of course, until God takes it over.

Well, I’m at my wit’s end… so I guess I’ll close now.


Israel and Palestine
Apartheid State
Democracy is not A Perfect Govt

“There is no room for discrimination,
whether it’s called apartheid or any other name…

We repeat that we express our denunciation of the system of apartheid.
The Jewish outlook is that every man
was born in the image of God and created equal.”

Israel’s Foreign Minister, discussing about South Africa’s Ruling Govt September 1987
Shimon Peres

Israeli&Palestinian wallIsrael’s occupying my mind, and wont leave me alone, so I can side with the Palestinians of Gaza. The setup of a Palestinians being treated as secondhand citizens, with security gates stripping their free travel rights… and not just terrorists, but normal working people’s free right of travelings.

So think of it, if you are discriminated, and you weren’t allowed to use the NJ Turnpike, because in the land of freedom, cause you were Muslim… you no longer could be able to travel on that highway, and had to go through checkpoints, with soldiers with guns…

Sounds like the statue of liberty was a false gift from the French, cause now they’re banning pro Palestinians protests from happening in France.

I feel like Rodney King saying “can’t we all just get along” in 1992… no one hears me anyway.

I’m sick of your honoring God with differences that breed violence, it’s the same God… Either Allah, Yahweh, Father, Abraham’s Friend… It’s the same God, but the violence is not in God’s plans…

It doesn’t matter what’s your view of God, if it’s the same God, but you see another massive view of God, who’s massive in God’s self… since he created the Universe, and God’s everywhere… don’t be trapped by your indifference to God, cause you’re not dead yet, and you do a great dishonor to God… by yelling Allah Akbar and killing another innocent individual, seconds after that, or shoot bombs at innocent Palestinians from the Fighter Airplanes…

You have a problem with Hamas, and working Palestinians are only are governed by Hamas in Gaza, but they do not agree with them, or their tactics for starting this war… cause they want peace, but they only see oppression.

So they were pushed into starting this war, from the unfair discrimination of Palestinian Arabs… you have Black Jews too that you want to deport back to Ethiopia or Kenya… and make Israel an all white state. I can’t seem to tell the Arabs and the Jews apart… it looks like you’re all crossbreeds.

That doesn’t reflect on God, in any way to disrespect God… cause until you meet God, you’re just guessing about God, like the rest of us.

It’s more the Nazi treatments, that you experienced during the Holocaust times, if anyone is still alive from World War II, they can see the same Palestinian treatment of being in a prison like Gaza, behind barbed wire fences… and not be able to travel around their own land, and visit their extended families in the West Bank… that’s growing smaller as we speak, it’s littered with illegal settlements.

The Breaking The Silence confessions, can verify that.

Democracy is like a slave state, corporations are the masters, they buy the votes and elect the campaigners they choose… so it’s a false state of slave driving masters, who are only concerned with profits.

Democracy is a failed state, and is full of corruptions, at its core… you should put corruption filters in it… I haven’t formulated the filters yet, for it… but it’s the best we can do, with what we have.

that every man was born in the image of God and created equal.”


Money Doesn’t Buy
You a Safe Haven

I‘ve been trying to find in my mind, a subject for this entry into this journal… and nowhere in this world, is a safe haven

700+ Palestinians were killed today, and Israel bombed a southern Town, Khan Yunis, they said was safe to evacuate to for civilians… another lie told by the Zionists.

And the Ukraine War going on for coming 2 years anniversary in February, they said it would be quick war.

So much catastrophe going on in the world. The people have territorial problems, and there isn’t enough piss/blood to mark their territories/borders.

They cause more wars, and I’m locked in a spending spree, and I can’t pass the eye tests for glasses, and I have to get my drivers license renewed this year, and I think I need glasses… cause it was 2 days ago my license expired, and the online renewal was 63 years old was the cutoff point, and I just turned 66 years old.

So it seems I need to drink, but I know from growing up with my Dad, as a parent… he looked down on addicts and alcoholics, and said they were wasting their lives… so that’s my saving grace having him for a Dad.

He kept me straight, and aware… I was crooked at times, but always straightened up… now that I’m older 66 years, right now, I go back to sitting in the driveway with my Dad, and having deep talks with him… they were deep to me, they effected the character of my heart… that deep.

He entered through my brain, and reached down to my heart… it’s like talking to God in prayer, God reaches down to your heart too, and writes the law in your hearts… through manipulations of emotional turmoil, and engraving what’s important in your life… so you’re conscious of it… and it occupies your mind.

Jeremiah 31:33-34
“But this is the covenant
that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the Lord:
I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts;
and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.
No more shall every man teach his neighbor, and every man his brother,
saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they all shall know Me,
from the least of them to the greatest of them, says the Lord.
For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.”

You might want to read the whole chapter, cause it gives more insight into Israel’s covenant now, with the Gaza war… I think God made a new covenant with them, but they forgot about it… as all hagglers do, even Arabs are hagglers too.

The link between heart and mind, is that they are separate organs, but they give you life freely, and also are virtual too. Meaning they are spiritual too… living in a virtual world… at least I hope, and I’m not being conned by the angels and demons… which I don’t have any fear of.

Loneliness is a heavy burden, but I seek companionship with God and everyone alive too, I talk with the dead too, cause when I pray to God, I’m talking with the dead too.

Life is supposed to be safe haven, but it’s not… at least money doesn’t make it safe, it only prolongs your sentence in comfort. You can be a rich convict, or a poor convict… but we are all convicts, cause we are all sinners, but there is always hope in our release on good behavior… not to be so Dark on our existence, but that’s my outlook on life.

You have the social butterflies outlook too, where their views are always bright and cheery… but I know the truth, they aren’t always that happy when alone… cause loneliness is a heavy burden for all.

Tesla saw that in his loneliness feeding the pigeons in his old age… everyone hated him, or was waiting like a vulture for him to die.

I wanted to put an entry into this journal for today, but I stayed in bed yesterday, and didn’t get up to eat… so I’m over 24 hours without a meal, so I’m weak, not starving… I have snacks in bed.

My neighbor made this recipe for my birthday... and I didn’t have her add the 2 cups of sugar, to it… it was well worth it for my teeth’s sake, it tasted sweet enough, with all the added sugars in the ingredients.

So now that I have bared my soul to the world… I long for the day next month, that I will stop this daily baring of my soul in this journal.

And have time to make music again… and stop buying musical instruments, that I have no time for… laying in bed for 20 hours a day, is like living in a prison cell on solitary confinement… I get visitors, but those days are rare.

All I have is to think, and try to feel happy… and I’m never happy with the world’s problems in the news media with hidden agendas, and google’s youtube feeding the hidden agendas… I can’t even trust them anymore with AI taking over their feeds.

It’s a depressing world, and I don’t want to propagate the depressions anymore… with hidden agendas.
I have reputation to protect, or fail with on my own… I don’t need a web to be stuck to.
Or the spiders will spin a cocoon around me, and I’ll be dead.


My Heart on Display

Israel is indiscriminately bombing civilian sites in Gaza, while they close off the southern section of what has been discovered as an open air prison, agitating Israel with the sandpaper labeled as Hamas.

Humans, even myself, have had the hopes of peace, being disheveled by Israel’s wealthy army & weapons… cause I see Israel as an Apartheid state, against every form of peaceful ends with the Palestinians, cause they hold a grudge, rather than make sacrifices for peace, with a 2 state solution, or a merger into one state solution, and giving them equal rights…

Cause now, I see about the size of the state of New Jersey is the state of Israel, and trying to divide the state of New Jersey into 2 states. I’m trying to bring it in perspective to me, and all of you who follow me.

Think of that perspective, of dividing the state of New Jersey into two states, and if it is even possible, with the surrounding states of New England, all smaller than New Jersey… it brings it into perspective for me at least.

Cause we’ll know what NY will do, and we know what Pennsylvania will do, but what will the small states side with…Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, etc..

Apartheid can be compared, with the Civil Rights Movements with the Blacks in the Southern States of the US, and we all know how that went, and even’s still going on today. It’s sort of like the Apartheid state of South Africa, and the Civil Rights movement with the Blacks of the southern states… they’re sort of the same discriminational actions.

Of course in a slow process, and fading into oblivion slowly, decades of times it calms down, rather than boiling and setting off steam that will fog your windows/eyes, and make your visions distorted.

Well that can be compared to the Palestinians/Blacks, and the Jews/Whites is the war going on today, don’t even get me going back to the Natives of this country, and the apartheid state where we discriminated against them in the early years, and forced them on reservations.

Indigenous is a word that describes who were here first…

Indigenous (adjective)
1. Originating where it is found.
2. Present at birth, but not necessarily hereditary; acquired during fetal development.
3. Characteristic of or relating to people inhabiting a region from the beginning.

We are all of the human family, and our brothers and sisters, so every one is related to another one… it requires an understanding, not to be disillusioned by differences or similarities… they are part of the humanity family… you need to step back in your mind to see it… the whole picture.

It’s like the dot reference of a cartoon image in print, it makes sense of the image, when you step back, but when you zoom in it becomes separate dots, and that’s all you see… the dots. Here is an example.
Another words is stippling or halftones, this is simple video explaining stippling… I could post another video of how to do it in Photoshop, where it’s called Halftones, but I’m not doing that.

Well, that tangent took us in another direction, and I want to get back to the Apartheid topic with Palestinians and Jews. The true Jews side with Palestinians, but the Zionists, are not the true religious Jews… that subject is sentenced to an neverending debate, until the sculpture is finished, and it becomes an object to worship, which is another Golden Calf idol worship at the foot of Mt Sinai.

The neverending arguments or debates, are never ending sculptures of art, that we set on a pedestals to auction off at the next art fair.

Egos, are at the core of our being, governing our hearts and minds, and egos are like dictators, they lead us blindly, or fair minded leaders which are governed by democracy, but democracy can be bought and sold, like slaves… AI has come on the scene right now, and seeks to replace our humanity with digital currency, instead of cash.

Keep the populations confused and it’s a sure way to control them… I’m just about out of words almost… it’s easier to type and think, then be a public speaker… and be littered with uh uh UHs to make it tedious to hear… but it’s my talent for communication with the world, but I question it, as another sculpture to worship for my ego’s sake, but I believe it to my core… which makes it an involuntary reflex to me.

I feel like I’m writing a script for a Hollywood movies trying to communicate with yous.

My Brooklyn accents comes out when I’m frustrated. There’s so many various dialects in the same country of the US, and the dialects use different words to describe the same things. 

I’m done rambling without direction… cause all I find is dead ends in my searching through my mind, with loneliness on bedrest is a heavy burden to carry… like a cross to my personal crucifixion hill, but this hell of a world, seems like it will stay lost, and every time I shine a light on a subject, I get more phone calls by telemarketers, that don’t leave a message for me… cause I refuse to answer, cause they start off with the selling spiel.

They want me to stop my personal creek flow of thoughts, feeding the Oceans on the world’s internet… which is polluted and my additions are tainted with their pollutions… it’s neverending debates, that are the pollutions I speak of.

Some debates end well, some debates never end well, and transform into violent wars… which is happening right now with the Ukraine and Israel wars, vying for support with side taking…

This a song I called “Bloody War” during the time before the invasion of Iraq in 2003, and the manipulating effects of the media, that I studied, and saw it was a business investment in the govts power structure… and it disgusted me. So, I’ll let that be the close of this post.


Spiritual birthdays are more important for me than physical birthdays, and today is my physical birthday, but July 30th is my newborn spiritual birthday… but no one celebrates that, but me.

It was when I was introduced to God, through Jesus, and the holy spirit, in my mind and heart… and they became one. I was raised in a Catholic school with Nuns, Lay teachers, why they call them lay teacher, are beyond me(Impose as a duty, burden, or punishment”-is one definition by WordWeb), and Priests for Mass on Sundays.

I was educated about God, as a foundation of what God was, but I couldn’t have in him, cause I carried the weight of atheism, and needed a sign, so after a night on trying to OD on PCP, and communing with the spirit of God, with Jesus as my connection to God in my mind on a PCP trip, after I just saw the Other Side of the Mountain movie, where a skier became a quadriplegic from a skiing accident.

So that was fresh in my mind, and I prayed for it as a sign… and then 3 weeks later the car accident happened, making me a paraplegic. And it was a marvel to me, cause I spent 6 months in a hospital, and 3-5 months living in VA paid for a disabled apartment.

The rest of my learning about God was always changing, and I needed to get away from Drugs, and I needed somewhere new to live, where I could find out about Jesus and God, and turning the other cheek when I felt persecuted.

So I moved to Wyoming, and lived there for about a year, and drove up the Alcan highway to pick up a friend from Alaska that was stationed up there in the USAF… the drive was phenomenal and I was alone with God, and when I drove up there it was like almost 24 hours of daylight, and I was sitting on a foam cushion, before I learned about ROHO air cushions

I moved to Wyoming for a year, and then I went back to college, and studied at Sheldon Jackson College in Sitka, AK, and lived there for a year too, and then transferred to NEC (New England College) in Henniker, New Hampshire, and they had an overseas campus in NEC Arundel,UK, and I transferred there, my time was up there, cause it has been a year, and it was my time to move again… but first I had to return to NY, cause my Godson(Christopher)  died in a car crash, and I wanted to comfort the Mom, and assure it was not her fault… but now, I was blaming myself.

So I dropped out of college after attending Roanoke College in Salem village a suburb of Roanoke, VA. I studied math and metaphysics there, and I wanted to make music, I’ve always wanted to make music, but I had to learn to play guitar first, and I learned it on my roommate’s acoustic guitar, otherwise it was El Kabong, with every guitar that my parent’s bought me… but my USAF roommate showed me some chords, and I fell in love with playing it.

Then my accident happened… and the flashback happened again…

I was already was with God as paraplegic for about 7 years, and decide to make musical recording career with an oversized ego, and wasn’t accepted without talent… but I had something to say to the world…

It was my expressions of/to the world, as a form of art… but they liked the silence, instead of the noise… but I had a mission to be heard… it was an oversized ego, expressing what he didn’t like about the world… with no musical talent, I could only play basic chords and simple power chords, and then I bought a keyboard, and that opened up to new sounds, then the basic guitar sounds.

I took basic piano lessons with Piano101 class at SJC in Sitka, and I went crazy thinking I had talent… it was in the key of C, all my chords were, but then I learned of other key scales, that used the black keys too.

Then I had a whole arsenal of sound, and then I got into Digital Recording in 1990, with Spectral Recording system & editing software… which was more expensive than the analog equipment, that I was recording on first.

But I was always chasing the dream of being a rock star with fame, and I forgot about music as therapeutical tool, as it would comfort the loss of people, instead of a motivation for war. Chants were used for marching, I learned that in USAF bootcamp, but was blind to it, and it was forgotten into oblivion.

Now I look back on it, and I find I hate music, cause it has become a waste of time, with the ego driven for wealth, fame, and recognition, but the therapeutic values were forgotten for healing.

It brings you closer to God, cause God has changed for me, from Jesus, to Spirit, to demons and angels at war, that they recruit us to join their armies and die…, but I’m motivated to meet God face to face, and since God is spirit, I have to die and go to the spiritual world to see God face to face… God doesn’t talk in English, my native tongue… God talks without words, and uses emotional voices of the spirits, as the words replacements with feelings, instead of words.

I just started learning God’s native tongues, cause they are many… a whole universe of tongues/languages. We are not alone in the universe, there are many civilizations and other lifeforms, everyone alive is not just human.

Since we were created in the image of God, then we are spiritual beings first, and just take this fleshly form for a short time before we die, which has me perturbed into depression, that I had to die first to face the new day… but over the years with God, I’ve learned that death, was no more than restful sleep.

I’m over being perturbed by it, but welcoming it as going to sleep… and waking up to a new day, a new life.

But as is always the story, we need to forgive those who wronged us, and show them mercy with understanding of their wronging us, cause they couldn’t help it. It’s not their fault that it happened, but they need to admit they are wrong… and recognize that it hurts me.

Family love is recognizing the wrongs, that other family members make, that effects the other family members, whether it’s uncaring or cynical, or even hateful actions, against the other immediate or distant cousins of your families.

The rest of the world’s populations, are your family, we all know, we all hate other family members sometimes, but once we try to understand what they did, and it wasn’t their fault, and show compassion to them, as a form of loving therapeutic actions, then we’ll see our indebtedness to them, for living another day.

I would like to go back to the garden of Eden, where we lived as unburdened ignorant slaves, and were content before we ate from the Forbidden Tree of Knowledge, to know Right from Wrong, good and evil… those were the good days, a bunch of ignorant fools, but they were happy.

The more you know, the more sorrows you carry… King Solomon wrote about that in Ecclesiastes of the Old testament.

Ecclesiastes 1:18
“For in much wisdom is much grief, And he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.”



I ended up buying
Roland HandSonic HPD-20

I don’t know if it was not in stock, when I bought it… but I see it’s backordered… I need to look before I buy on impulse… $1099.99 for the Roland HPD-20.

It was an impulse buy, and I can’t control that. It’s like a reflex nerve in my mind, and it’s involuntary…
You can buy it for $200-$300 less from Japan, that you can buy it from here, but it takes time to ship it here… about 2 weeks or maybe even a month. Trade isn’t what it used to be.

I found some for $700-$850, but I already bought it from Sweetwater.

I made a playlist of the Roland HandSonic HPD-20 tutorials, I hope it doesn’t arrive yet, cause I haven’t had time to learn the Yamaha FGDP-50 finger drum pad controller, I got that 10/9/2023, two days after the Israel-Hamas wars started.

And that occupied my mind, as Israel always does…
It made me take sides in the war, I’m leaning to the Palestinians side, NOT Hamas, they’re thieves and deserve no honor, but the people they serve do.
I’m totally against the Zionist regime, they’re thieves also, and they don’t deserve what they stole.
But the real Jews and the real Palestinians do deserve that honor… I’m not anti-semitic, cause they’re both semites, and I honor them both.

Semite (Noun)
1. A member of a group of Semitic-speaking peoples of the Middle East and northern Africa.

Jews don’t own the words semites, or semitic… but now they want to own antisemitic, and not anti-semitic with the dash between the two words… the Zionists have a problem with owning something to feel secure. It’s an ego trip in denial.

Well, I needed to confess what’s on my mind tonight, and I did… I was reflexed in my mind to buy the Roland HandSonic HPD-20, but I don’t know if it was in stock when I bought it… and I have to wait till it becomes in stock.

I need to investigate it further before I buy, now every business is hurting and don’t carry it in stock, like before Trump got in office, and then everything went to hell with the trade wars starting, and then the feeble minded Biden was elected President, and the skyrocketing of debt, and more wars in Ukraine and Israel…
What’s the next surprise for me to handle?


How Much you Know,
Determines What
you Can Understand.

We can judge each other over and ever again so easily, but the info of our judgments is incomplete, and leaves us in a predicament of being misinformed, or worse disinformed.

Propaganda is running rampant in the media now, there is talk of opinions in the editorial news stories, feeding the rampancy of error ridden judgments. Which only feeds it more, to give them strength, and grow more rampant, but few see it, and change their views.

It either sparks more hate filled rages, or more somber filled thoughts, that will gives you a clear visions of what happened. Everybody is different, and we need a love bond, that will quells our feelings, and respect each other’s, and their own personal spaces.

I’m prone to rages too, but my humbleness and merciful nature, quells my rages, so that I question, till I understand. Cause that’s what everyone wants, to be understood, and loved like family.

But talk radio is a cancer, that needs to be healed with love, and more info, and the message of the reinformed of reinforcing, with research of the new meaning.
Instead of the quick judgments, that serve the propagation of more hate crimes.

Once it enters in the minds of the people, you don’t know what goes on with their thoughts, and weeds can grow, so that it taints your own mind with an overgrown growth of weeds, and anyone who weeded their own garden, knows it’s a lot of work, and leaves you exhausted.

So hearing people talk, is like sowing your seeds with each word, they grow thoughts in other peoples minds, and some are weeds, and some are productive thoughts and bear fruit, that everyone can eat with pleasure and strength. You can eat weeds, and gather minimum strength from them, but they have a lot of side effects… that’s too long of a list to cover now… cause I can’t fathom of it, in my mind right now… meaning IDK.

It’s all about understanding, that’s what I equate with love… cause that’s the first step into the doorway to love… and then marveled at the contents of love and truth. It’s more complicated than that, cause you have to go out of the room of love, but what you learned in the room of love, you can remember it, and incorporate with your memories.

Each memory is an etching on your heart, with stronger emotions, the deeper the etching.
Which goes back to the scriptures, that God writes the law onto our hearts, so no need to preach… cause we know already… it’s written on our hearts already.

Jeremiah 31:33
“But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD:
I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts;
and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.”

I hope this war, will not pervert the truth anymore, than it has… and will open the eyes of the truth, instead of assumptions of the truth… which only the media feeds you. And you have to finish the incomplete stories yourself.

Cause you are already in the trap, or a jungle you have to go through, with a machete clearing a path with understandings of your own surroundings. The world is a giant jungle, or a Petri dish to understand and research, but that is a trap too… it’s life itself, it’s either a blessing and clear weather, or storms and rains that cloud your visions… life is an adventure, or some other words to describe it… but you have free will to describe it, and understand it yourself.


Dreams are like
Flashback Memories

Broken WindowI had a dream last night of the front of house window, the outside glass pane was broken, and the inside pane was not, it was a double pane window… so no weather was coming in… it was a second long dream.

I think it meant, what I believed of the world, through the window of media, and that was broken by the conflicts that I saw, but I’m still safe from the weather of the world’s news.

I see dreams as messages from God… I’ve had nightmares too… more than not dreaming at all.

It was like a flashback memory, that the dream was, it was looking at the window, and seeing it was broken and cracked, but only on the outside pane, and then the dream ended… so it wasn’t long and required a lot of memory, it was like 1k of digital ram memory.

I‘ll go back to AI, where are minds, are the models, that we sculpt AI from.

I guess I’m sick of media management with WordPress, but this an extremely responsive project for the wordpress team, to keep management simple for the user, and complicated for the hacking community… so I guess I need to know what is wrong with my laptop too… so many variables.
This is talking about Images importing, I keep getting an error message, like the media library doesn’t refresh itself, when I try to import an image… so I have to load it in the media library, and make a copy of Media URL, and add it to the document, I’m working on.

There’s too many variables and I go off on a tangent thought every now and then, but Back to AI.

It means watching the mainstream media, I guess that tangent wasn’t very far off…
You get a false story, and it causes an error in the flow of the info, in the report of the media story. You are left with questions, and you must make decisions on the info, that you have received, and the conclusions are based on that incomplete info.

If there any errors in the info, then they are multiplied by a power of 10, with each conclusion, cause it causes more confusion with each whisper, and it distorts the listening ear, with a new message every time the tongue whispers the media’s story.

We like to hyperbolize to make the story interesting, and every twist of the truth, makes it distort into a big lie… like politician’s campaign promises.

I digress into cynicism, the only ism that is rut trap… where you pace back and forth digging a rut deeper and deeper, so that you can’t get out of, cause you didn’t take a ladder before the rut was dug… so now you hope someone would get a rope and throw it down to you.

Another tangent thought…

I’m out things to say, so I dabble in the forest of noise… so I better quit, but I don’t like to quit…

Winners never quit and quitters never win.
If you live long enough, you’ll make mistakes.

So, I’ll lose like a humble loser, and fade into the darkness with my tail between my legs… like a dog that has been disciplined by his master… with a broken window pane.
We are all slaves to our thoughts, and the master is your mind, and more thoughts enter the scene… and makes things grow, and produce beneficial fruit, or die in judgement and cynicism.


Hamas has been Oppressed,
And this is the Reasons

I don’t know, if this is the reasons for terrorism to exist in the Palestinian populations, but an apartheid state of Israel, that takes every little bit of Palestinians land in each conflict… Gaza was large at first, but now the West Bank was larger, and now is small, and littered with Israelis settlements, and their 3rd amendment of soldiers occupying their houses, is non existent… I don’t know what protections that the Palestinians have, from the Zionist govt… but it’s an apartheid state.

Palestinians have no rights, according to Zionists… they profess it at their security gates… they make you wait at their command, sometimes for spite’s sake… and they wear a grin for it.

I feel for the Israelis, after seeing these… it bears the the merciless killings of Hamas, and any other organization of the Muslim Brotherhood under a new name.

After I believed that Israel bombed the Hospital in Gaza, and all the other bombs left craters, but where the hospital was hit, there was no crater… the hospital showed no damage to the buildings. So, here we are in a propaganda wars… liars on both sides.

Democracy is alive in Israel, but it is dead to the Palestinians, cause they aren’t Jewish… which is an apartheid state, that’s alive, but democracy is dead, or critically wounded. It’s either one state of Israel, or two states, one Palestinian, and one Israeli.

But that hasn’t happened in over 75 years, when Israel was formed, from immigrants from all over the world.

Zionists are a secular organization, masking themselves as holocaust survivors… I don’t know what was going on in Germany in World War II, and the suffering, but I can relate to it… cause I’ve been suffering, from what I can’t change, except by some miracle/scientific/healing,  that can make me walk again, but I’ll wait for my next life to walk again.

Cause I see so much hopelessness and despair in the world today, when no one sees their wrongs, and are motivated by their shallow egos, which is a reflexive response to the hate they’re feeling… and discipline calms their response.

But egos are not disciplined without sin/errors/mistakes, and they need forgiveness to display mercy… well they need love and truth first, to support the weight of hate, if you can support the weight of hate in your heart, you can forgive without worry, that they will do it again.

I can see the Israeli side, and I can see the Palestinians side too, with the forced 700,000+ Palestinians from their homes by gunpoint, carrying just their keys… in the first Nakba.

And Israelis destroying their homes and villages, and changing the names of the villages… if that happened to me, I would be mad too… but I would have to accept it, cause I’m a coward… but it keeps me humble, and God smiles on the humble, but shines down hard on the proud… cause they are too blind to see their wrongs.

I’d rather go through life as a humble fool, than go through life as a proud fool, with war in their hearts and warlike revenge in their hearts.

My heart is what makes me tick physically, and spiritually too… emotional pains hit me at the core of my being, where the heart is… and how it networks with my brain is over what I could count. It’s an endless number of connections… we only use about 10% of the connections with the spiritual side of the brain, and it’s connected with your emotional side, your heart.

There is so much more that you don’t know about yourself and God, and it should be taught to you first hand by God in your minds… but you don’t seek God or hear God… but you don’t believe, you have to believe first.


AI wars…
fighting the trends

AIFighting the battles of AI in searching, that has been raped by algorithms. Artificial Intelligence, artificial sweeteners… it’s not natural human intelligence… it’s either a step up or a step down in our evolutionary progress… it’s either a blessing or a curse.

Where you type quotes ” ” around words that you are searching for, and everything is automatic and without human form… and algorithms rule humanity with false trending results.

I need to work and make sense, or I write in my personal human code… so when I read it, it makes sense to only me… in my battles with AI.

Corruption rules the tech world with AI, as their weapons of choice… and all forms of AI with their incomplete algorithms, causing errors galore in their paths.

AI is the source of all our wars and sufferings, and tears too… it has the potential of all our blessings, but it has to be taken out of the greedy hands of the tech corporations. I see the promise of the potential of Fascism, but it changes to corruptive forces, that distort the visions, that motivated the starts of the Fascist ideology.

So, it reminds me of seeds was overjoyed at the beginning, and withering away to death.

And Israel and Hamas are at war right now, is occupying my thinking mind, as with all of you watching the media right now… I could go on, and everything I learn about it, makes the Jews, the terrorists.
The Jews were the terrorists in the beginning, and the Palestinians seemed to replace their whining of the Holocaust, with the Nakba.

I wanted to support the Jews, but I can relate to the Jews in NYC, then the Zionists in Israel.

Zionism is what started as good cause, but went the way of Fascism in the end…
Vying for power, became a King of the Hill games, that we played as kids, it’s the closing of the prison doors to your own personal cell… it’s close to slavery for your minds.

Your inner core is locked up in the prisons of your minds… souls.

This is depressing to me, but maybe there will be a sunny day tomorrow… I can always hope I will see a sunny day, rather than a dark day with no rain.


I’m disgusted by
The Hackers in Cyberspace,
Both corporate and black hat

Red & Blue capsulesWe use cyberspace to break away from the dark reality in the world today, and it’s just as bad as the real world… it makes me crave the virtual world, where everything is machine like…the Matrix world.

Predictable and tolerable, and free from manipulations… believing is seeing and faith is dead…it looks like Zombieland, breathing and living… but they’re all dead, and need instructions to run… to be programmed to be alive… under the control of the architect… who is just an idea too.

Anyway, I was in my fantasies for a minute… and now I’m alive again. My fantasies I felt freer than I do now, in reality. Wars exist here and death exists here, and hunger and famines too. The sufferings in reality, makes me sad and with tears.

I long to go to sleep permanently, and never to be woken up again… cause reality sucks… even sleep sucks and are always nightmares, and then I wake into reality again.

There are those naps which are restful, but I wake into reality again… it’s despairing feelings that has a stranglehold on me, and waking to reality over and over again in the stranglehold of despair is hopeless hell.

But I go on and on, with the faith to never give up, and see what my future is, and what seeds I planted is going to bear fruit, or be just bunch of weeds.

I can’t see the future, I’m blind to the destruction, or hope of edification I’ve created, I lack the faith… but I’ve prayed for the faith… but didn’t appreciate the grace that I’ve received. So I wither in place and die slowly… I sound depressed, like I’m at death’s door.

But I’ve been here a thousand times before, and I’ll still be alive next week, and God says in my mind, “Don’t Give Up Son”, and keep on going. If you kill yourself, then you’ll regret it.
And I believe that voice, and listen to them… I tried when I was suicidal and tried to OD on PCP, and woke up blind, but my sight came back by the end of the day.

That was before I received a sign from God, and it was all hopeless, and despair riddened with my life before. But once God became real in my life, then it was all good, and I could ascend any mountain… but coming down from those mountains, I always fell.

I needed to be sincere in my praises, and truly thankful in the descending too… not only the ascending.

I had the faith to ascend, but the lack of faith in the descending… it must be the sign hasn’t been completed yet, but I said that God didn’t have to do it, because God showed me God was real… and Jesus turned into many, and God turned into many, as God spoke as a collective in our creation, using the words “Us” and “Our” image… in the original Hebrew too.

It’s not a wrong translation to be told in English, it’s God’s first words told to Moses on Mount Sinai of the creation, or whenever God told him of the creation… I wasn’t there when he came off the Mt Sinai with the 10 commandments.

Moses had a different relationship with God… mine was with Jesus first, and then God was introduced, as reality to me… as the Spirit itself… but Jesus was my introduction to the holy spirit. Which carried every angelic spirits, and every demonic spirits imaginable, so you needed to test every spirit, cause demonic spirits, lie for the sake of their prideful egos.

They can’t help it… it is their nature.

See I’m feeling better already… I’ve broke through the surface of depression, and have gotten a breath of fresh air, and didn’t drown in the ocean of depression. And maybe shown the way out of the ocean of depression too.

Faith is the key, and I have a lot of that… mostly by the grace of God.


Fake News

Fake news stories litter the wars with fake info, more like disinformation for thrills, at getting others to believe them. It’s more like propaganda to attack your free will, and think like they do… marketing industry uses these tactics.

To be constantly fed these misinformations – disinformations only to be programmed, to believe or buy something.

Why do they want you to believe in something, that isn’t true?
Manipulation and Control, the control freaks that lead you in the wars to die… but you’re doing your job to make it a better world.

That’s what the control freaks, that work in the media meetings behind closed doors… in the darkness of secrecy… in the shadows.

I’ve grown wise to them, they sound like AI with AI narratives… so bland and phony, but narratives are good too, and sound intelligent, but come to a point of repeating the same point… anyway I’m going on an AI bashing tangent… though they use it on fake news stories using older videos, but the narration is always an AI voice.

Anyway, this has been a rough and dangerous swim through the oceans of deceptions today. Reading and viewing so many twisted stories, with their own agendas, for their own purposes… I guess love is the answer, like the John Lennon song Mind Games.

His lyrics is my closing of the day of 10/14/2023… the Sabbath… don’t open the Pandora’s Box on the subject of religions… we don’t agree on what God is yet, that’s why we have so many different religions, cause God is more than we can imagine… but it is seeking God, that we learn about God.

“God Is Spirit” Jesus said, since everyone has a different interpretation of spirit, some gather in groups and call it team spirit,  some like to scare other people and call them spooky spirits, then there is the spirit of grace when everything falls into your lap, and you call it lucky… well whatever it is, you have to keep looking for God to find God.

I had a dream when I was a young kid, and he kept running away from me in my dreams, and when I felt frustrated, cause I couldn’t catch him(Jesus), he would get closer to me within reach, and said follow me… but when I did, he avoided me… this was a recurring dream in my childhood.

I was in the Catholic petri dish, there are many petri dishes(Religions) of understanding about God, but God doesn’t like to be caged and studied, only understood and be free… like a bird, doesn’t like to be caged, but free and flying where their heart’s desires take them.

Truth is better, than powerful teachers expounding on lies and logics… cause guesses can be wrong too.


The War is Approaching the
1 Week Anniversary Tomorrow

Israel, and Gaza with Hamas in leadership of the Govt,  and Palestinians in West Bank is under the Palestinian Authority’s leadership, but aren’t violent towards Israel.

That can change in an instance… (Locked Up Needed2Reboot) my anger with hackers now has me at wits end… they interrupt my flow, which perturbs my anger.

I’m being monitored by Windows11 and Hackers… it’s a mystery to me… and when I post something that’s questionable, there is someone on the other side of the screen that says I shouldn’t post it… and locks up my mouse, and PC… I need to reboot.

So, The line “that can change in an instance”… I added some shit after, and that’s when the laptop locked up.

I can’t remember what I said after… so this is me losing my mind right now, in perturbed anger.

I need a break from worry and hardships, and get back to what I started… this post.

They interrupted my flow in my mind, on whats happening overseas right now, and I need to connect with it again. I have judges debating between themselves in the cyberworld, in the shadows behind closed doors, or encrypted doors to be exact.

God knows everything… and you’re acting as an impersonator of the most high with your hacking skills is just a dark road to nowhere… to failure, to be exact… I’m talking from experience.

We all live in one world, and whatever your level is at on that world… remember it is only One World, in an endless sea of worlds… that is my extent of understanding right now.

So, I’ll close with that message to MS, and whole host of other hackers, that are not concerned with profits, in the words of Rodney King

“I just want to say – you know – can we, can we all get along? Can we, can we get along? Can we stop making it horrible for the older people and the kids? And … I mean we’ve got enough smog in Los Angeles let alone to deal with setting these fires and things … It’s just not right. It’s not right, and it’s not going to change anything. We’ll get our justice. They’ve won the battle, but they haven’t won the war. We’ll get our day in court, and that’s all we want.
And, just, uh, I love – I’m neutral. I love every – I love people of color. I’m not like they’re making me out to be. We’ve got to quit. We’ve got to quit; I mean, after all, I could understand the first – upset for the first two hours after the verdict, but to go on, to keep going on like this and to see the security guard shot on the ground – it’s just not right. It’s just not right, because those people will never go home to their families again.
And uh, I mean, please, we can, we can get along here. We all can get along. We just gotta. We gotta. I mean, we’re all stuck here for a while. Let’s, you know, let’s try to work it out. Let’s try to beat it, you know.
Let’s try to work it out.

I was interrupted by this LA Riots in the early 90’s, and Rodney King died since then,,, and this is the story of his daughter Lora King.

So, lets all get along… and make it a peaceable world… for Rodney, and all the others in the world battling battles within themselves… A whole Host of others, and on other planets in the Universe too.

We are not alone in the experiments of God.


Follow The Money

First off, you have to follow the money to the biggest cesspool of wastes and scams, that has littered the world’s paradises. Sewer systems being compared to fresh water springs, and they want to sell it to ya.

Money feeds the sicknesses to make more sicknesses in humanity… and cash is the bait that someone bites, and they’re twisted into needs, that they are addicted to like a drug addicts.

I’m sick of the addicts, needing to work for making more money fixes to feed their addictions. It was a pure trading design at first, to make sense of the world, and buy their needs, but it evolved into a digital madness, and raw cash that was in control of the individuals themselves, where you could buy what you want, when you want it, to be in control of the central banks, and they monitor what you want and when you want it.

And they control it, that they can deny it, whenever they want… cause they control the economy systems.

Piggy Bank Eating CoinsPiggy Banks is a sign of the dirtiness of pork banks of cash, Muslims & Jews can relate, cause they don’t eat pork… money is a sign of pork shit.

No one would eat shit, especially by a Pig… but they do and are hooked and addicted to shit.

It’s like cow manure, that feeds the agricultural fields for the crops that we grow, that we eat… so indirectly we eat shit with each corn cob that we eat… or some vegetable that were fed by a fertilizer of some shit… though they synthesized it into basic elements Nitrogen, Phosphorus, and Potassium (NPK), it still was synthesized from shit.

I’m still following the money into wars, that they started and make profits from them, selling arms/weapons like drug pushers on the urban streets… taking cash for their profits… creating the addicts based on greedy needs.

You need to read the “War is a Racket” that Gen. Smedley Butler wrote after the first World War, when he returned to the states.

I’m sorry for the raw truth, as I see it… you can see it your way too, behind the veils of justification, no matter what way you see… I’m just sharing my views of it.

Paul, the disciple of Jesus, this was after Jesus walked the Earth, said in his letters to Timothy his student.

1 Timothy 6:10
“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.”

He saw what was back then over 2000 years ago, and even more now. It’s what make the world rotate everyday to a new business day, and it returns to night, and the sunrise the next business day again and again, swimming in a an ocean with the pollution of greed.

Polluted oceans make polluted rains… that people drink.

Though water is beneficial to life, the pollutions of greed is not… but it changes your characters, into something that it is not. Like an addict needing a fix, to face the next day.

The money got you through one day, and you need more to face the next day… or you go through withdrawal pains… like Jesus said in Matt 24:8  All these are the beginning of birth pains..

What he said before was a warnings of deception attempts of the world… which are happening now, well they have been happening all my life, and throughout all of the World’s history, since Time began… well at least, since we been documenting it.

It might have been different before the Flood…


Power Outages
No Internet Access

I question why there is no internet access, when the power goes off, the phone lines work, but the DSL works on the phone lines, and carry the DSL signal, but when the power goes off, the DSL signal goes off too.

Which is puzzling to me, because I remember in the past my power went off, and the DSL signal was still there… but recently the online signal goes off too, it’s been about 4 years now, since that has been happening.

rail sliding door

This is the rail sliding door I have on my generator outside to keep it quiet, I couldn’t slide it easy, so I must’ve had it on the rails offset

I had to get up at 5:30am, and start my generator, but when I went out to start the generator, the door was off the rail slide… I had to lift it up on the rail, and it misaligned on the rail, and didn’t slide very well… but I got the door opened to start the generator.

So it didn’t close easily, so I left it open and the neighbors heard it… somebody doesn’t like me here.

Or I’m a paranoid freak, I see the interconnections with other nations, and they’ve seen waves to beat on the shores of our nation… economically, militarily, religiously, governmentally, etc. …

You must see it too… if someone on the other side of the world is having problems, love and compassion fixes it, or you’ll have the same problem in the future… It’s instant Karma, or you reap what you sow.

It’s a liquid world, and we deal with oceans separating us, but waves travel… and we don’t high tidal waves hitting our eastern shores… and all the middle eastern wars with Arabs & Jews, you know Arabs are Semites too.

I think Zionism is a distorted message of the Jews, and made them a nationalist political party, instead of a faith to follow. We all know that politicians are liars, and not holy, and aren’t led by the truth.

When religions plays in politics, then they raise hell in the world.  The Jews should be the white dot in the darkness… Well, Jesus should be, but they rejected him.  


Also I need all the plugs in the kitchen to work, not just a few outlets to work… my water heater of a cup of water for tea, that AC plug was not working, but the microwave AC plug  that was right near it, so I nuked it for 2 minutes.

I would rather have the hotshot for a cup of tea… microwaves make the water thicker when you stir it. Sunbeam stopped making the Hotshots, I’ve been making teas for over 40 years with them.

Anyway, what is ever on my mind.

I’m just playing potluck Wednesday… I was watching youtube then the power went out…and it was whatever happened, happened.


Yamaha – FGDP 50
Wars in the Middle East


This really peeves me that there is only an Online Manual, and not a downloadable PDF file for it… such has been my life with the music industry.

I received the Yamaha FGDP -50 yesterday, from Sweetwater, a day earlier than expected. I haven’t had time to explore it, for it’s potential to making music. Though I know it doesn’t have a quantization feature built in to it, in case you screw up with the timing.

I thought there was a PDF file I could download about it, but it’s just an online help… it doesn’t have any links, but you can click on the and the page is fill with drop downs, giving more info… but you have be online… which really peeves me.

If I wanted to be online, then why would I pay $300 for this musical production piece of equipment… that I had to wait just over a month to receive. The little quick start guide is not enough info to explore, but you can download a PDF file for it, but you can’t download a User manual.

I figured out how to quantize with a computer DAW, at least the ones NOT on this windows11 laptop, none of the things I bought (AKA Reaper)works anymore… I fell for AI craze, and after downloading something from, my computer was infected… and Reaper was dead, along with a few other programs… it still works, but NO SOUND… which is DEAD to me.

I think it’s an AMD sound problem… or a host of other variables, that might be the problem too, this is supposed to be relaxing for me… but it’s turning into work… and wars starting or designed to start according to some conspiracy sites.

Gaza Strip

Click on the image above to see the larger image media file

Which has me changing the subject again, cause it’s haunting my mind, with the wars starting in Israel and Hamas in Gaza starting this last Saturday, and I see Putin threatening nuclear bombs again with the Ukrainian war still going on it started in February 2022. It will be two years ago, this coming February.

I was talking with my college buddy on FB, Fred Hage, this is going to be our 40th year together in the coming New Year, that we’ve been in touch from college in the UK, and from the country of Lebanon in the Middle East, on the northern border with Israel… and Hezbollah is there, which Freddy hates with a passion, he blames them for his failing state, and economy.

Gaza is on the southern border with Israel, and Hamas is running that govt… it’s been compared to an open air prison, where Israel’s the warden.

It complexes my mind even more than the music industry front I’m on, and I want it to end, but I don’t know what to do, I’m in a prison too right now… the bedrest prison for 3 years, right now.

Fighting with the controls that is taking our freedoms away, with the medical industry too.

It seems wars are starting everywhere, with principles and ethics too…war on drugs, war on terror, etc. … etc. = too many to list.

My mind is bouncing like a pinball game, that I played in the rec center at NEC Arundel, so I need to stop, and see the truth with my mind, and my communion with God in silence… silent prayer.

This is my entry into my own personal journal, that is public right now… and will be ending at the end of November.


is what is studied here

Iceberg of AI

We only see what’s above the surface of the water, we don’t see how deep it goes, or what grows below the water.

I received and email on LLMs and vector, and vectors… an algorithm for a queen would be:
V(king) – V(man) + V(woman) = V(queen)

That’s a simple version to understand, but it deals with what’s going on in the physical minds, then it goes deeper and harder to understand, with a vector and and multiple vectors, and the word meanings.

Semantics is:
1. Of or relating to meaning or the study of meaning

I always thought it was a play on words, but it’s a study of words, and their meanings… a more in focus of the meaning of semantic. It’s like a level up, of what I thought it was before.

Now, I understand it better, what is the meaning of semantic, it’s not a game of words, but a study research of words, which can be used as a game indirectly… the games are played at the surface level, but the deeper level of the meaning, is its a study, and everything else is built on that “study” foundation.

It deals with math, and my brain section dealing with mathematics and logic was destroyed by the stroke I had in 2004. I was a math wiz before the stroke… I could figure complex numbers in my head, instead of needing a calculator… now after the stroke, I feel like a computer locked up, when anybody gave me a bill, and wanted my reaction to it, so I developed a smile as my reaction… rather than go into a long tedious story of the stroke, and the after effects.

I have to live a life that’s not a burden to others… I can vent here, and if you are reading it… then it’s your problem.

I guess I’ll read it to the end, instead of a quick skimmed reading of it, but when it goes into math and logic, I’m dealing with a section of neural networks that get locked up from the effects of the stroke.

It gets tedious to reboot my brain, and need a computer to understand, so I can get over the stumbling block… I would much rather solve it organically/naturally, but I need a computer now… cause it’s much more complex for my mind to understand, and even more now with age and mental deterioration setting in, I’m wiser and more slower… the saying:

Ecclesiastes 1:18
“For in much wisdom is much grief, And he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.

Well, I’m at that point in my life, I’m going crazy from all the war news going on, and I would like to stop the battles going on the surface, and below the surface of the media iceberg… cause everything has a public and a shadow side, and everyone has a public side and hidden mind side… to keep your sanity intact… and now the study of the mind, is taking a dark turn into reading minds with AI, and that’s the most darkest turn of all, and our anonymity is under questioning to be right or wrong.

It’s the last freedom to be taken away, and make us all robots to be programmed… instead of being manipulated now, we’ll get programming instructions to make decisions… on what to buy and sell.

I hope tomorrow’s better than today…


We Need Some Sanity Seconds
As A Break From the
War Hungry Insanity

We worship the same God, but we are children from that same God, and the religions that teach us about that God, they are filled with hypocrites.
Jews stealing land and claiming thievery is a sin, and you have Muslims who murder, anyone who disagrees with them, and killing is a sin.

Christians idolizing Jesus as God, and the Trinity is what makes them all one, which is what Jesus preached against… he got angry and overturned tables of trinkets of idol worship, and money changers… so what angered Jesus most of all is the people were blind to the truth.

I guess what’s going on in Israel now, with the killing on both sides between the Jews and the Muslims, each side of the them, as both having the right view of the same God, but you move an inch, and you see another whole side of God, that you haven’t seen before.

God created the Universe too, not only a small planet called Earth… but there is so much more about God, that you can’t imagine just yet.
God is real, that is all I can tell you… cause I’ve learned that, when you can’t handle the truth, you are shining a flash light in their eyes, and not on the object you want to enlighten them to.

You see them, and all their mishaps, but what you want to bring their attention to… goes by blindly.
While you ego takes center stage in the judgments of others, and distorts their character in your visions of their purpose.

I took what Jesus said to heart, but it was only 3rd party accounts of what he said, and not what he said, and their understanding of what he said… it might be an optical trick of what he said, behind a distorted crystal. You see what was said in the movement behind the crystal, but the clarity is cloudy, or distorted, and you’re left with you own imagination to make the image in your head.

Which may be totally wrong, and misleading, I reminds me of moths flying around a night light, they only are marveled by the light, and fly blindly at it… and if there is a bug zapper by it… then ZaaAAAP.

Which is humanity and all the blind humans are the moths, mosquitos, etc., and the bug zapper is the tech corporations that kill them dead, and claim they are harvesting the weak… but according to Jesus, he said or I think, he said in the Sermon on the Mount, that “the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth”.

I’ve been left spinning in circles, with what info I’ve gotten about God, cause God is so massive, I would have to travel the universe to see God face to face, but does Spirit have a face at all.
I can see God in my mind, maybe that’s where God lives as a breath to live and breathe in me, and send my blood beating through my veins and arteries.

It’s a shame that someone won’t heal me, like is said to have done… but he always said it was your faith that has healed you.

According to Luke 18:19-20
“So Jesus said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. You know the commandments: ‘Do not commit adultery,’ ‘Do not murder,’ ‘Do not steal,’ ‘Do not bear false witness,’ ‘Honor your father and your mother.’ ””

And “God is Spirit” according to Jesus, and to go back to the old testament and the prophet David when he sung this in Psalms 82:6.
“I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.”

So the Catholics twisted it to mean that Jesus was God… and made graven images of him, and idolized him.
Jesus would be rolling in his grave, if he was not on the other side of the universe, making a planet to run the way he designed it… with love and truth as guide, instead of the lying politicians and the blaming media.

I’m just taking cheap shots at what I see as wrong with the world… he also preached at forgiveness as part of the way, so I’m not showing a forgiving heart, with the cheap shots of blame either.

I’m just as imperfect as all of you are… I’ll try to be forgiving, and show you mercy. Merciful is a sign of love and truth, and that’s the way you treat family.


Wars start by prejudices
within the global family

Arabs and Jews are distant cousins of the same friend of God, Abraham, but they are too proud to see the truth of it… all the pride is all over the world, with wars started from petty things, and robbing the riches, of other sovereign nations, that they disagree with.

So rather than feed the dialogs of peace, they go to war… it’s time to change the hierarchy of power, and it means opening the Pandora’s Box of mythological legends, and letting all evil out of that box… and hopefully you’ll survive, and change and construct something that will insure a true peace… not the normal peace, that has been in place, since Time began.

There will be no more wars or tears, people will remember the wars and tears, and choose to solve it another way.

I guess we need to forget about what’s right and wrong in the world, and focus on the way to true peace… it must be in agreement with all who are involved, in the differences.
Pride is the big instigator of differences, and magnifies his own understanding, while trying to villainous the actions of the other side.

There’s got to be a peaceful solutions to this madness, that has taken over the world’s addictions to wars, and made wars a way of settling differences… it only causes dissatisfactions with revengeful tactics, and not settling it peacefully.

There is a scriptural saying in the bible, that debates only prolong the conflicts, and nothing is settled… I searched the scriptures talking about debates being a waste of time…

 This is I came up with 1 Timothy 4:7-8…

Don’t waste time arguing over foolish ideas and silly myths and legends.
Spend your time and energy in the exercise of keeping spiritually fit.

Bodily exercise is all right, but spiritual exercise is much more important,
and is a tonic for all you do.
So exercise yourself spiritually, and practice being a better Christian,
because that will help you not only now in this life, but in the next life too.”

The heart is where the laws are written on your heart, and instill your character into being another person, that will make you happy, and content with your deeds.

I guess you can deceive yourself, but you can’t deceive God who lives in you… thus making you a child of God too, like Jesus was… and he preached mercy and love, as a way to the Father/God. It’s hard not to piss someone off, and trying to please everyone with the raw truth… but some are not ready for the truth… and are quick to judge you, instead of hearing you.

And a thousands of years pass, and tech tools replace God’s mysterious spiritual nature, and make God an untouchable oblivion… a forgotten memory.
AI takes its place in the center of our minds, and God goes into oblivion in our minds awareness… a forgotten center, once was center, but now replaced with AI as our centerpiece.

We kill God, and replace God with AI… and all the wars around the world start making arms dealers richer, than they were before the wars started… it’s been that way with every war, since time began,  when we were fighting with swords, then bow and arrows, and catapults hurling boulders, until modern warfare and what stopped the last big war was the atomic bomb… and then nuclear weapons, began it’s regulatory organizations… and we started cold wars, that went on for decades… but then the cold war was defrosted, and then Europe was united, and the EU was born.

It gets more complicated to understand in a short entry, it would need a long list of books of encyclopedias that describe it, but King Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 12:12

“And further, my son, be admonished by these.
Of making many books there is no end,
and much study is wearisome to the flesh.

So, I’ll close with that closing… it makes us wearisome to our flesh to understand it wholly… it makes ignorance to be the way to be happy.


Van Morrison – No Religion

This is a song that is deep, and brings up all the different Religions, and all the leashes that are attached to them… like the kennels with leashed dogs and caged cats, it stinks of the abuse of animals…

Well, not to the proper vets, who run their veterinary services for the animals sake, but the veterinary services run for profit’s sake… has the stink, I’m talking about,

Prejudice, and judgments without all the info, is the stink I’m talking about… assumptions on conclusions, it permeates your smell sensors, and it stinks to high heavens.

I could give a sermon on straightening out the knots, that was tied by religions and religious sacraments/ceremonies, but you would want to kill me, and I’ll become another martyr, for the cause of truth.

Politics is the profession of lies & promises, religion is to defend the truth, and science is the new religion, and the assumptive theories, it is a new construction sites of the temples of truth…

It should be an ally of the truth, but it’s tainted with politics, and the distortions of religious truths, and it’s building a new tower to Babel, and it’s forgot of the last Tower of Babel they tried to reach heaven, buy building it… a stairway to heaven… but meeting all the civilizations in heaven, and talking of many numerous of languages that they talked in heaven… numberless.

Oh, no religions, is the theme of this writing… It’s hard not to express your beliefs, cause that is what religion is… what you believe… and I have freedom of speech, as a right… which is what everybody’s right, should be… it leads to arguing and debating about different beliefs.

“Couldn’t we agree to disagree”, and let it go to the winds of the spirit… and hope the truth is revealed in the future… cause there is NO Religion here today.


B-52 Bombers
and KC-135 Tankers

They used the same Jet engines (J57), both of them, B-52 Bombers, and the Tankers, but with water cooling systems for the KC-135 Tankers, for refueling other flying airplanes in the air.

The Video Below is how all jet engines work, (J57,etc.)
with 3 sections: compression, combustion, and turbine sections.

This made me feel a somewhat nostalgic moment, and I only worked in that field for about a year, so I’m not an expert, but I can see all the problems with it, and the inspections that followed with Quality Control, so the Jet engine went back into service on some plane.

We envied the Fighter engines, cause they were organized, and you didn’t have to take 5 parts off to replace one part, they were so organized, you took off one part and replaced one part.

And the safety wire with the bolts and nuts, was another bit of a pain to get through with the inspections from Quality Control with all the safety wiring, and the amount of safety wiring was required, you needed special twisting pliers, cause every bolt or nut had to be safety wired… so the vibration of the engine didn’t loosen it.

This was a moment of reviewing my memories, that were lost in my memory banks 47 years ago, but I enjoyed the reviewing, and learned something new too.

Well, this video is what started this review in my mind, and it covered the B-52, and KC135 Tankers at the end of the video… and I reviewed all of it, in only 2 hours.


Pot Luck Tuesday

I got used to this title, of what’s on my mind at the time… right now nada(nothing) is on my mind… and I float in the wind and the breezes.

This is what on youtube winds, it’s a bit of the WorldCoin world, on UBI(Universal Basic Income), which can be a curse and a blessing combined, like in the Orb, that scans the eyes for Iris biometric data. I’ve been on UBI, of course it’s called the VA disability pension… it started out at $2500 per month in 1978, and now with the cost of living increases, it’s over $9000+ per month.

So it’s a blessing and a curse all combined into one package. A blessing, cause of the safety net from seeking employment, and a curse, from not being motivated to seek employment… and I’m getting lazier every year.

So if you ask me is UBI, is it good?
I would have to say I sit on the fulcrum of the balances… and it’s changing every second, from a blessing to curse, and a curse to blessing… so I’m 50/50 on it, and I can’t give you a concrete answer, cause its still fluidity in nature. I’m still working on it.

Here is the video on WorldCoin.

To close this potluck subject, and get up to eat, I’d say I agree with my mind… with a twister of thoughts going on in my minds right now… so destruction is all I see.

Which can be the correlations I see, with book of Revelation, and the buy and sell concept concepts of the digital technology… it’s scary, but mankind has written a book of scripts, or a book of prophecy of the end times, and has my mind is spinning in puzzles to figure out the truth of it all.

So, hopefully I didn’t infect you, the reader… and your head isn’t spinning too.


AI helping programs with
new algorithmic creations,
so they can update the AI

Every one of the security programs makes the claim of AI feature, powered by ChatGPT AI, and looking for malware. I understand the reasoning for different languages, but I’m not a coder, and I’m a dumb person, the theory of cross coding, where one language talks to another language, and it comes up with an answer without errors… is a bit over my head/mind right.

As a King rules, we impose AI, as a King over our mind’s capabilities, and we accept this analogy, we’ll feel more common, than we are now… and look to serve the AI King that we created, from theories that soar above of our commonness of thoughts … and the King always rules, either as an understanding ruler, or a dictator who’s blind to his own wrongs, it’s genderless, but it could be a Queen too.

You can play games, but you can lose too… and the commonness runs rampant like weeds propagating… the weeds = vain senseless thoughts.
Like gardens of wild flowers, are beautiful, but only the flowers are pretty, and are common, and their commonness needs a King/Queen to rule them… in a monarchical world where we live, and exist now.

The common people needs a govt to rule the public, and the dictatorial starves liberty for the mainstay of their power, or there is a democracy where the people rules, and can be bought with lies, and prices by the advertising media, that bought their votes… so the ads ruling is another esoteric rule… and now we want something as a new ruler, the AI King/Queen will not feel and dictate its own conclusions.

It’s a dark night, and we only see whats lit by the moonlight… and make decisions based on the BS of AI… and all the errors that were produced as truth… but they’re incomplete truths at best.


“The greatest freedom is to be free of our own mind.” — Osho

I need a nutrition specialist, that has 100% percent of true knowledge, and not the youtube versions that are hype based for trending, and making the ads for the trends, to feed the trendmaster dogs… the beasts need treats.

What’s Starlink, it is for in the future, it’s something we’ll regret in the future, it’s more for control from space of the Earth’s populations… I guess it will wear a darker mask, and will be justified by the con men, that will sell broadband to the public… in all its forms, the need for speed is a destructive force, whether it’s fiber optics, and simple DSL, it’s creating speed addicts.

I understand that everyone of the 7-8 billion people have different perspectives, and talk different languages, and come up with their own understandings of their own individual minds, which might be totally different than their neighbor on the same block environment.

The totality is more complex, than witnessed to be able to understood, by the simply minded individual, and a common understanding is mounted in their minds.

Commonality is the doorway to everyone’s minds, cause commonality of knowledge is expressed with stories/parables/analogies, making the complex simpler for understanding. Common understandings is the way to truth growing. instead of the greenhouses where everything dies from lies, and the selling the new trending lies.

Minds are filled with numberless rabbitholes going everywhere in the virtuality world, where anything can happen in your imaginations, like Alice in Wonderland dreams. Dreams is some other connection with the spirit world, there are many numberless connections with the spirit world, some are dark and grow darker into the lost existence, where confusion leads you into more darkness, as a bait is put on the fishing pole… like a lure.

Lies are lures, as incomplete truths are too… it leads you down the rabbit holes seeking the hidden knowledge. I guess that’s why we were kicked out of the Garden of Eden… we ate the forbidden fruit of knowledge, and digested with thoughts and ethical practices.

I’ve been watching a Youtube Podcast by David Icke on Strike it Big… and I’m not a fan of David Icke, but I can see his points, and the many points of where his connections lead… it’s talking my language, which is based on English BS.

His language is in his mind, and it’s the same language I speak… BS based, and is the English language, of the many numberless languages of the world, and the universe surrounding our world.

I’ve written enough, this is getting too tedious to write…

Truth, after all, wears a different face to everybody,
and it would be too tedious to wait, till all were agreed.


John Mayer 
Say What You Need To Say

I should start to say, what I need to say… or it’s me banging my head against the wall of life in judgment, cause you believed, that people meant what they said.

The anger of making plans, that never will be fulfilled… it can be argued, that they forgot, but their showing me their oblivion, only makes me forgive… and go on feeling the scars from believing them.

I can forgive the heart that feels… this song is my healing my wounds of my sanity… it’s an ointment I dress the wounds with, and is comforting too.

I need to vent my frustrations to stay sane, from going insane… and licking my wounds, like a dog using their saliva, like an ointment.

I just learned Biden is running again in 2024 (5 months ago), and it makes me bordering insanity again… I thought he would be dead, and Kamala Harris would be President… which would add more ingredients to the brewing pot, stirred by the shadow govt.

I sound hopeless in my writings… maybe I need to write a book, some fictional subtle horror story, where you have to think to understand it… and not just gore “horror”… you have to think about it… maybe they’d classify it as a “thriller”, instead of a horror.

It will keep me sane though… at least, I hope it does.

I need a distraction from my judgments… it feeds the anger beast, and I would like that beast, to think why he gets no treat.

We all have demons that feel, whether the demons are anger based, or subtle depression moments, which are signs on the road of rage of what’s ahead… anger comes in all forms, rage, wrath, madness, insanity, sadness,  depression(anger turned inward), etc. … hopefully you’ll survive it, and greet the new day with a smile.

You can survive after reading this… with a smile on your face… not a patronizing smile, but a real heartfelt smile.