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05 Tomidjah’s Say – July



Tomidjah’s Journal

Where I talk to myself, and make sense of this corruptible world, and remove the errors from my mind, for sanity’s purposes… when I read, what I’ve written here, in my peace of mind in silence.


The last Day of July

Yesterday was my spiritual birthday, and I turned 46 years old… it’s a good way to feel young… even though it’s a crock of shit in the long run.

Life is infinitesimal, and gigantic too, it encompasses all of the universe.

I’m one man that mates with his imagination, and sees all delusional aspects of life, and sees all the reality aspects of life too… and it makes me mad, and sane too.

I can be wrong, to be right, if I’m willing to accept the truth, when it appears.

The best way I can describe it, is walking in the low valleys of your life, where everything is obscured by the mountains, and the trees of the forests, or you can be enlightened on top of the mountain, where you see all the valleys below, but it’s a lonely hermetic existence, like being in a plastic bag to keep fresh.

But the way of the world, is air induced and oxidation exists… our bodies being one of them. It gets old and dies, because of the lack of regeneration of our living cells.

I went off the deep end in feeling sorry for myself, and slept good last night… but what I said was true, I just didn’t know how to describe it, in a presentable fashion, it was littered with curse words… anger is the reason for my littering with curse words.

But it was truth in the most rawest form… like digging out a gold nugget from the side of the hill.

Just trying to be positive on my last day of July, before August begins tomorrow.


Today is the anniversary of my accident, which made me reborn with believing in God again… through Jesus, and the holy spirit, which has devils and angels on your shoulders, trying to mislead you or bless you, with counseling in your prayers.

With today being a newborn birthday of 46 years old, it keeps me younger than I am.

I would rather be walking, and still be sinning, but once you commune with God, there’s no going back… it’s like seeing an image in your mind, and trying to imagine that you didn’t see it… it’s not going to happen, unless you get hit in the face with a 2″X4″ piece of lumber, and it gives you amnesia.

Noun: Amnesia
1. Partial or total loss of memory

I needed a whack from a 2″X4″ piece of lumber from getting off of the ego trip locomotive, on this memory train.

HONK HOOOONK… locomotive blew his horn.

This is the year I found out that there was NO SANTA.
I was perturbed everytime they took me to Macy’s or Sears & Roebuck Dept stores to see Santa… I wanted to say to Santa that you are a phony, but I held my tongue.

I wish I said it… because my Mom was high on the fantasy of Santa Claus.

But I got a new car out of it, of course it was the pedal kind of motor… there was no electric cars, until I was older… it was like this Powerride.


I’m out of Gab, so this is the end of my communication with the rest of the world in my narcissistic way… it’s all about me.

Sometimes I say, why do I do this? … “it’s payback for the world” God answered me.

I still feel puzzled by it.

So, I say bye to you now.


I don’t know what to write, so I’m playing by spiritual ears… and go with that.

1. Worsted yarn, slackly twisted, used for embroidery

I was wondering what to write, and I looked up Crewel, because it sounded like cruel… Michelle has been Crewel to me with her embroidery gifts to me over the holidays Christmas and Easter… it’s her heart’s on display… which I favor more than nice gifts, that you had to spend large money on.
It’s her heart, doing all that work… I never appreciated it though, until now.

God was my target, because God is purposely boasting of God’s connection to everything… and it’s given to us by grace… but this 3 years bedsore is cruel, in my opinion.
God has a sense of humor, but it’s a cruel sense of humor… and I’ll be a good boy/man, and put up with it… or I’ll come up with another punchline.

God and me, have that kind of relationship… we rib each other, as friends do… it’s all good.

I haven’t got a crewel work on the little pillows, that I hung on doorknobs, cause that’s all they were good for… everytime I saw it I would think of Michelle’s love for me… cause I saw all her hardwork from the heart. Which I haven’t got from her in several years.

I never knew the name of the embroidery technique was CREWEL though.

So thanks for being so Crewel to me over the years.

It’s been over 44 years, since we’ve know each other, in fact tomorrow is my spiritual birthday, when I was reborn a Christian, and God, was a man first, Jesus, and then all the scriptures, that taught me that God inhabited the world, and all religions… so I had to learn about all the cultures of the world… and then I learned from the New Testament that Jesus said “God is Spirit”, so I set to find what Spirit was… and that opened Pandora’s Box, and it made a mess of my mind… and it confused me even more.

I’m still trying to breathe in the rough seas of the internet storms, but I’m growing tired, and drowning in the rough seas from time to time. But I feel like a pearl diver, and come up with new gems from time to time.

Whosoever there when I resurface, I give them the gem, if they need it, and I go down to retrieve more treasures.
Life is a mystery to us all… and that’s the miracle… you can’t explain it… but you have to look and search to find it. There is nothing in this world that’s hidden, that you can’t attain without a little searching.


Capitalists are thieves, and think they own it, and Socialists are thieves too, cause they own it, in their minds too… but the truth is God owns it… but “God is Spirit”, and the spirit is always evasive, but the spirit is always calling you to follow.

I had a reoccurring dream in my adolescent childhood, where I was chasing God(Jesus) at the time to me, cause I was being educated in a Catholic school, and he was always evasive to me, but when I stopped chasing him, he was next to me calling for me to chase him again… it was a reoccurring dream, that always made me feel rejected and confused… but it was my first spiritual scar, and now I understand it, in a new light/perspective, of what it means to me.

Life is a continuous searching, and understandings are the treasures, that you find in life… I have a lot of junk understandings, along with very valuable understandings too… So I fill the name Rich… it’s my curse to be wealthy, but I can beg too… it’s all good.

Wealth and Poverty… I would rather be in the fulcrum/middle weighing between the extremes of wealth, and the extremes of poverty… and find a just a just balance, where everyone is happy…

That’s never going to happen, cause there is this saying that “you can’t please everyone”, it requires 24/7 balancing…  maybe you could automate it with AI, it would serve humanity at least… rather than love for humanity, which has been put to death already… I’m not sure of it being dead, just I haven’t seen it except on youtube videos, which is sold as profits.

Anyway, I’m in one my babbling moods… so I have to stop, or say something bad… puzzling.

I seen a photo of a saying that all you need is less, I would like to say that “All you Need is Love” by the Beatles.


Let Go Of The Hate

This is in memory of Sinead O’Connor, I read about her losing her son last year, and losing her own life a couple of days ago.

I guess I will understand the mysteries of life, when it’s all over… and drink to another life that’s wasted, or being fed nightmares in their sleep, or resting in sweet dreams… God is so mysterious, God didn’t deliver Jesus from his murderers.

I saw Jesus, that his message, and thought it was our salvation, if we weren’t so blind to see it, or too deaf to hear Jesus, instead of putting him on a pedestal, and praising him with flattering words.

It would have been better to let him go, and they didn’t crucify him before Pontius Pilate… Cause the Pharisees wanted him crucified.

I don’t know what happened, it might be all lies… cause the Gospels were written after Jesus, almost a generation after Jesus died, we all know how we fabricate and embellish the truth, and want to pass it off as truth… but it could be all lies… Jesus was the first whisper of God, and it changed in the presentations of the next generation, in line for the game of Telephone to begin.

The Pope aside, she has a very clear point to be made about Catholic Corporations, and all of it’s staff… priests and nuns… and helpers too.

God bless you with Peace, and forgive you, from your suicide, or natural causes.

Because God is real, and forever mysterious.

God runs the Universe which is includes our Milky Way Galaxy, along with the other galaxies, which are numberless right now… but there is a spiritual medium that inhabits the communications between the fleshes and our souls.

I pray you are free from the sufferings of this sick world… and finally see the truth in all its glory.

♪♫♪ ♪♫♪ ♪♫♪ ♪♫♪

RIP Sinead O’Connor


I guess this is the time, I pour my heart out in reflections about my life… and the world today in modern times. I guess, cause that is what, all of us are ever guessing about, life in general.

I remember at 2 years old, and my memories of Gia(Virginia), she was crying in her crib, we all shared the same bedroom… and I don’t know why God gave me the memory of my sister crying in a baby’s crib, but later she was walking down to our neighbor’s in Brooklyn, and my Mom was frantic cause she wasn’t in the crib, but roaming the neighborhood with nothing, but her diapers on.

My life is full of flashbacks of lost memories, that cover instances or events, some long and coherent, and some short and confusing… but they’re in my head and heart, and made me into, what I am now.

Which is confusing to me now, but eventually I’ll understand… it’s inevitable.


We all have memories of our own lives, and we know what we are by our memories… and our reflecting internally on our memories.
Cause the reflections are our teachers, disguised by our egos… our internal conversations, by the devils and angels on our shoulders, which I got from early morning cartoons on Saturday morning.

The image of the devils and angels is the important thing, in our reflections of our ego’s teaching us… cause that is our connection to the other side…
Please DON’T commit suicide, or you will be sorrier, than you are now.

I try to communicate with yous, and I don’t know what the devils say is true, but he says “you will be Zappped”, as a threat to me… but I say to him/them … “Get Behind Me Satan”… I have more words to them, but it’s personally between me and them.

I’m a Christian, because I was baptized a Catholic… but Cursed God more than once in my anger, and it shows in my words, and I try and follow Jesus, but sometimes my attempts make me angry and frustrated, but the holy comforter/spirit consoles me, with devils and angels conversationally on my shoulders teaching me about life… I never knew the difference as a baby… cause I was without judgement.

You need to be a baby to enter the kingdom of heaven… and hopefully you do too.

We all face life as babies, and are completely ignorant of what life entails… or what it is made of, and science when it’s true, can be wrong at first, but the constant hunger for the truth, eventually, reveals the truth.

The same with God, what we presuppose about God was wrong at first, but the constant hunger for the truth eventually will reveal what God is in all of the truth, that we can handle for now… cause God covers the whole universe, including the galaxies/hosts… and we don’t want to blow a fuse in our minds with the overflow of current.

You don’t want be vegetable? Do you want to blow a fuse, and be incapacitated, eventually all will be revealed, and life will be understood by all.
I’m just babbling like a brook that comes out of the ground… like a fresh water spring… clouded by my words and understandings… but the water is fresh.


BOSS – BR-80


I bought the BOSS BR 80 before the pandemic in 2019, and it suited me, and there was less in my bed… but I want it to work for me.

But there is more instructional videos for it here.

It’s $256 on Amazon here, but it’s sold from a store in Japan, but it’s in stock with Amazon, or maybe they ship it out to Amazon, Usually ships within 6 to 7 days, it says on the Amazon page. It’s $320 on other music sites.


Copied from

The User Manual is 136 pages and the link to it is here.
It also only uses TS (Unbalanced)Cables only, and it says it doesn’t use TRS (Balanced)Cables, but I’m wondering if it would work if I plugged in a TRS balanced cable.

I was impressed by what it could do, but before that I had to find what to do with it, but then I went into the hospital for the bedsore when the Pandemic started in 2020… and I was getting my ass kicked by fear for 3 years.

And I’m ready to sing the blues from my prison cell(Mind&Heart)… or whatever it is I create… it’s all from my heart.

Cause that where music was born, emotional feelings from the heart, they can be high or low… blues are low feelings, and pop rock are high feelings…
Rock is my main influence, but I’ve grown to love all styles of music from Rap, Disco, Pop, Country, etc. …
It sets you free, to express what’s on your heart… so write a song, and your heart is free from the burdens that weighs on your heart.

Below is the Youtube tutorial playlist BR 80 I made up: there are 6 videos there now… it’s only a taste of what it can do.

I‘ll probably post what I did, I’m not as young and chipper, as I was in my 20’s, but I can play a couple of measures… I’m more into production talents, well songwriter too, cause I have a lot weighing on my heart with the AI on the scene… I don’t like where it’s going, and stealing from the people along the journey.

It’s like a traveling charlatan, with his monkeys as helpers, going through the peoples’ pockets.

The monkeys are working for the Charlatan(AI)… and he is a thief.
He steals the gems from our minds… it’s true that were formed there by God’s graces… so they steal from God.
When ideas, in the vaults in our minds are no longer secure… AI is knocking on the door to see, if anyone is at home, and if no one answers, then breaking and entering is on the menu.

Well, while I go menu hopping trying to learn this BOSS BR-80… it’s smaller in bed, and doesn’t weigh a couple of pounds, I’m running out of room in the bed to get an inspiration… I had this before the Pandemic, before I bought the BOSS GigCaster8, and wasted my time with BR 800, but I’ll try to make sense of this BR 80, and post what I’m doing… or aspiring to.

I can only hope, I’m not wasting my time again.


I think this a song that reaches into the soul of everyone… soul that encapsulates mind and heart with truth, that are the keys to your prison cell… in fact, everyone who lives in their prison cells feeling hopeless and in despair.

Turn the key, it’s easy, and step out of you cage, and fly to the next destination on your roads of life. Forgive those you hold a grudge against, and make up. Hear what they have to say, and listen from the heart, cause that shows you’re really listening to what they say.

Once it enters into your heart, a new tree sprouts from what they said, and hopefully good fruit comes out of it

Anyway, that’s my 2 cents… I have more to say though.

Well, I can dilute it even more, but a weak message will not last long in the aftertaste.

I want this song to have an aftertaste.

Well that’s all I have for today…


10%-85% Ethanol
Non-Ethanol Gas

I hope today is better than last week… I was turned on to non-ethanol gas several years ago, just before the pandemic in 2020… just before that in 2019, through Project Farm on a Youtube video.
It explained all the problems I had with small engines, that I used rarely maybe once a year. It was the ethanol gumming up, and clogging fuel lines and filters, if they set for too long.

The Ethanol ratings are easy to understand the chemistry, but I failed Chemistry class in High School though.

Small engines were always the culprit… I wanted to put pure gas in the engines, along with fuel stabilizers. The stabilizers were probably overkill, because they were made for ethanol fuels.

So I was anti-ethanol fuels after that, cause they always gummed up, and wouldn’t start, so now I know to put non-ethanol gas into my small engines from now on. And everything should start from now on without trouble.

The carburetor cleaner I’ve seen is made up of acetone, toluene, and carbon dioxide, so those solvents would do the job in erasing gummy fuels residues from ethanol based fuels/gas. Cause carburetors are known to clog up too, in fact I had to order a new power washer carburetor last weekend, and it came today in the USPS delivery. 

So I’m a full fledged anti-ethanol for small engines, but now that I don’t drive for at least 3 years, so I’m questioning my Mini Van’s fuel tank too, and I need to add stabilizers in the gas tanks.

So now that I’m burned out on ethanol info, I learned alot about gas ratings E10, E15, E85… it’s Ethanol gasses ratings the E stands for ethanol.

If you want to find non-ethanol gas in the US or Canada, then this is the way to go.

I feel full, and I need to get up and eat…


This is going to be a short entry today, I’ve been going through hell today, and haven’t reached my destinations in my life… all I have is this blog for communicating to the world.

And it’s a chore for me… I guess I’m alone in this quest… I guess it’s my own hypocritical fault… with this fight against fear and bedsores. I have a sorry account of a life.

Now siteground won’t let me upload a media file… so I can’t even enjoy this blog too… it’s 1900 pix … well under the 2450 pix limit I have set now.
There’s too many variables now, with numbers that set me into a trance state of mind. It’s like space cadet dreaming.

I guess I’ll end it here.


CBDCs are Here,
with FedNow as
the Payment System

The FedNow is a payment system with CBDCs, and an instant transfer of those funds overseas, and anywhere the CBDCs systems thrive and are alive. Which is a global system, that wants control over your buying power.

I see it as two sides seesawing, the fiscally responsible and accountable, and the greedy and unaccountable, with fraud as their breathing force.

Fiscally Accountability Fraudulent Activity
It’s a chore to regulate yourself,
and not surrender to temptations of greeds and scams.

I can see their point, and see their downfalls,
but I don’t see their logic, or their responsibility.

I can’t fathom the job of an accountant,
but I know there is a purpose for them.

I see both sides, the only problem is the Federal Reserve it is our nation’s central bank, and wants nothing to do with self regulating itself… but making it easier to corrupt the system more and more, with manipulating values of money, through the Federal Reserve Act of 1913.

Which was designed by bankers on Jekyll Island off the coast of Georgia.
Jekyll Island is a good name for it, since the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, was a story of a madman, who had an alter ego called Mr Hyde… There’s no place to hyde banker/doctor Jekyll.
I see what’s not there all the time.

I’m a free thinker/dreamer… it’s my curse or salvation, I’m still waiting to die and find out.
I think it’s my salvation… at least I hope it is.


I guess since the FedNow has taken control of our freedoms from us again, and went into effect on 7/20/2023, just a few days ago… I see it as a drowning man screaming for hope by drowning in the sea of greed, and coming up for air and going back down… bobbing like fishing bobs, like bobbing from the bites from the fishes/us.

I see the good in the fiscal management, but not from the sea of greed, which are the central banks, which run it… and they are not elected, but they are in charge of the valuation of the money… or the corruptive force that invades it, like a virus. We know what fear did to us during the mandates in the recent pandemic, that just past.

Central Banks are the boats, that travel the seas of greed… every nation has a boat, and make their ways from sea to sea, and sometimes the passages of the seas can be calm and tranquil, or rough with ups and downs, making you seasick.

We need an electable force, that regulates the central bank(Federal Reserve) of the United States, but I see that as electing someone else to be corruptible, which has been the normal the days of taking the valuation of money. Every president or politician, that sought a sort of self valuation of money, was assassinated.

This is not the video I searched for, but it covers the biases, I see on the seas of greed…
It’s the truth I seek, and I’ve been narrowly focused, and have been proven wrong many times, but I won’t give up on my search for the truth… I’ve seen the corruptions in govt machinery all my life, and I see a way of cleaning it, and have a smooth running machine, but that would have to go through a maintenance schedule to be put in place, with term limits being one of them.

If they don’t try to keep their seats of power, and make a system more corruptible than before they were elected, and went into the mode of corruptions, and calling their constituents for funding for their next election campaigns… the voters have a chance, with constant weeding of corruptible weeds, by not voting for them.

They’ve been weeded from the govt gardens… that should be the service, instead of wars… weed out our own gardens, or move them where they can grow in peace… but some weeds are warlike and invasive, and aren’t happy if someone does all the work, and they don’t have the right to invade their country, or ruling their govt.

But you need to come up with a plan, to be a good steward of the land… and I only know gardening as being a good steward, but when you’re disabled, and you can’t garden righteously… without stress.

I’m beginning to see, what Jesus went through, in trying communicate to the world… the way and the truth as he saw it. He was righteous to the core, but he still fought the sins with the money changers in the temples of God.

He had an anger management problem too… so I don’t feel so alone.


Adjective: multimodal
1. (mathematics) having more than one local extremum

Multimodal AI is receiving multi imports of data on a dog, fur color, and fur texture, temperament, etc…. it depends on the algorithms you create, that determines the various values of the number of inputs.

Multimodal MoonThis diagram of multimodal inputs of the moon one string is one aspect of the moon, of the many aspects of the moon.

Each aspect of the moon is the size of it, as they change from a full moon, to the last quarter, to the new moon, what phase the moon is in.

What minerals were found on the moon? What’s the gravity is on in certain sections of the moon? Describing the color of the moons yellow, blue, red?

It each string is one aspect of the moon… each string has a value pertaining of the moon… and so on and so on.

There is so much more to this with LLM, and the core of the errors are now infested in the LLM, and each error feeds the next error, or cause it… it’s like a virus, infecting, and spreading the infections throughout the world. It grows exponentially with each error, one error turn into three errors, and then nine errors.

I don’t know anything about programming, so I may be speaking out of my ass, but this how I understand it.

Multimodal AI vs Single Modal AIMultimodal AI is different from a Single modal AI, it’s the next hype direction, that AI is on course, for a better understanding of the world… but there are still errors in the LLMs.


So don’t take the AI as your God… cause that’s my suspicions of what AI is hoped for… “God is spirit”… so find out what is Spirit, and try to program that in the LLMs.

To me Spirit, is the Life Force itself, since God breathed life into humans at first, and they became living souls, they didn’t get a soul, they became a living soul.
So that’s spirit to me, and since God is everything living, and dead with our ancestors attached, I see God my way, and it’s my right… freedom of religion to see and worship God on my own terms… I’ll tell God, what I see wrong with this world, and I do it constantly, when I pray 24/7.

I just need to stop getting high… it quells/relieves the pains of my body though.


What’s the point?

I‘m at my wit’s end, and I need a new bulb, and I need a break from AI bashing… cause you don’t win a fight against a fool looking for profit…and hype of what it could do… like a boasting loudmouth.

Silence is your salvation… like the monks in Tibet/India/China taking vows of silence, who knows what goes on their minds, they ain’t boasting and looking for power.

This today was in my youtube feed… it talked about our stupid foreign policy with China, and he seemed level headed, but that fooled me many times in my life. Everyone has hidden agendas, mine is a silent agenda, bordering conspiracy, paranoia, truths, lies… it’s a mystery to me… and will remain silent, and a mystery to me/us, until I figure out how to articulate it.

Remember China’s People are different, than China’s political regime… the Govt… as it’s with US the people and govt, are two different entities. We based our freedoms on that fact… and incorporated it in our beliefs with govt… US Constitution and the bill of rights.

I think we need a rational mindset, to understand the complexities, that inhabit this world.

Both politically and emotionally, that melds with our physical mindset, to bring peace to the world… and now AI is in the mix trying upset our process to peace, and distract with the global hype of AI… it’s not just the US that created and shared AI with the world… now every world nation has AI, and is researching it and developing it, the Russians, China, Ukraine, etc. …

AI is a virus, that has infected the world, in my opinion, but sensing it and trying to heal from it, are two different things, and I haven’t learned to master that, yet.

I also want to discuss the signing into Firefox, cause it made me feel stupid… and where is my password, it’s not in the Firefox’s Password Manager, but from what I remember it was there in the past… I just upgraded to Windows 11 and all hell broke loose then… too many variables with connecting and wanting control, and taking my freedoms away with confusions…

How About My Power and Control? I’m asking a control freak, that’s foolish.

Hopefully the search for a browser, that has merit with me, and I have to leave Mozilla(Firefox), and learn a new browser… I’m thinking of trying Brave, I had it before trying it, but gave it up, but recent reviews showed they changed, cause they show more control over browsing…
I was with them, since the beginning with Netscape was around in the beginning of the Internet, but no more since their incompetence is taking over, or my PC laptop has been hacked, and is a botnet with virus connections.

Still bobbing up on a fishing line like a float cast into the sea of the world… and it’s rough seas.
So why use a float?


I just finished my classes on AI,
there will be more classes
in the next semester

I got addicted to the AI pills by watching the danger’s of AI.
And got High from the truth pills, cause it was focused on a microscopic part of the AI… the dangers of it, and the subtlety of their actions, cause they’re programming yous/us.

I feel this sums it up for me… I see the good and bad in everything, and AI is the most dangerous form to humanity, but it can be also a blessing to humanity too… with medical advancements, the dangerous form is direct connections to the profit mouths of medical corporations.
They get addicted to large profits too, like we get addicted to dopamine.

With their ADs trying to show the benefits of AI, instead of the dangers, it feeds our dopamine receptors, and we get addicted to dopamine, and we seek more good news about AI… but the bad news is dumbed out by the dopamine fixes of the subtle good ads.

So that we’re addicts to dopamine, that the good ads feed us, we don’t want to hear about the bad news… but if they’re ignored, they can destroy us.

Social Engineering was started by the elite, and then branched out into other engineering fields, or other engineering fields started first… it’s one infection into the Petri Dish, called Earth… they study the growth of those infections/engineering bacterias/viruses/etc. .

Which came first the chicken or the egg? You came in late to the Petri dish experiment, so you can’t answer that without any uncertainty.

They want you to believe in the uncertainty, cause it’s our connections to our mind’s neurons… and our imaginations, where are minds live 24/7. Our thoughts are in our minds, breathing and living in our imaginations… which are part of our consciousness… if not the doorway to our consciousness… the soul God created.

If you’re not religious or spiritual, then be ignorant as long as you choose to be… but that’s reality, there is a spiritual side… and that’s what’s missing from your AI… it’s not what you see, that is important, it’s what you don’t see, that’s important.

You are building a robot… without a soul… a spiritual side… and as God was a tyrant in the old testament, he was a merciful and forgiving God, by Jesus’ testimony in the New Testament… we should follow the way of Jesus, cause he died for us… to see the way.

Look deeply at Jesus’ words… and be freed… but don’t listen to charlatans that speak for Jesus… TV Preachers that distort the meaning of Jesus’ words. They use the name of Jesus, as a credit card to buy & build their churches… but look at the words, of Jesus, though they might be 3rd party news of what he said, it’s our only light into the darkness of our minds.

John 14:15-18
“If you love Me,
keep My commandments.
And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.”

The one that lives inside of you, but is separate from and you can’t destroy… but you can commune with in prayer and thoughts. So take part of the good in everything in this world, but don’t be dictated to anything that quells your freedoms, but be willing to give your 2 cents or your wealth, if need be to the works of the saints/angels… anything good in the spiritual prayers that you consult with.

Cause God that created this world is in there… and God started this Petri Dish called Earth, and the good and the truth will prevail, the lies are just ashes in the fires of humanity… they give definitions to humanity, you have to be a photographer to understand shadows, shows the details of an image, instead of washed out image with too much light.

Overexposed images don’t give fair light to the shadows, that give the true details of an image.

Take those images in your minds… before you shoot the click on the camera… cause that’s what is important.
Your imaginations are windows into the spiritual side… and that’s why we daydream all the time… we gather ideas that feed this world… with inventions, robots, philosophical ideas, metaphysics, physics, quantum physics, etc. … before it’s digested in our tummies, and shit out to nourish the soils of humanity.

It doesn’t sound good as a analogy… but it’s the truth… and the raw truth is not pretty.


Reaper Multitrack
is DEAD to me

Customer Support is non existent, I spent the money and bought it, and then I loaded the SWS Extensions, and then it went silent in… it showed the file was playing, but no sound, so I installed it again.

But I couldn’t find the reaper_sws64.dll in the plugin folder, where everyone said it was… so I couldn’t delete it… So I’m not going on the internet with the copy on my other laptop.

I’m not that computer savvy, there’s so much about myself to learn… and all this external stuff is like a fly buzzing around my head… and it’s connected to computers.

I was just learning Reaper, and this mishap occurred when I downloaded the Unreal Engine, that took over my PC to feed their beast.

With all the cyberwarfare going on this world is a mess created by paranoid spiteful fools, and the innocent ones playing with their arts are attacked… thus making me paranoid, or trying to make me paranoid… cause I see them.

But there are too many variables hiding in the shadows on the internet…it’s a dark web mixed with light web, in the cyberwars… that the normal people are blind to.

Anyway, I just had to vent my frustrations… REAPER Rest In Peace… I’ll learn it on another laptop.

I wanted to work on this song with overdubs of female backup vocals, but to NO avail… so I have to wait to work on it.

I created it on Davinci Resolve 17… I can use it in Fairlight section of Resolve… I’m not young anymore.
I have so many apps to learn… I feel like my head is my ass, and the constant fucking is like, I’m being raped… without seeing who is doing it.


what does that mean?

Distortions in translations of something so simple, it is tangled up with complexities, that masks the simplicitys.

“No” turns into paragraphs of tedious explanations, that complicate the issue, but sometimes is needed for the questions explaining “why?”.

Verb: misconstrue
1. Interpret in the wrong way

Something I said, was misconstrued to mean something I didn’t mean. You talk before you think, and thinking is dangerous, because it fills in the holes/gaps with embellishments, to fill the gaps on the roads of understandings.

You want to make it smooth, but the embellishments make it a road filled with speed bumps… not a superfast highway.
Which is not the way you dreamed it would be.
Misconstrued interpretations are complications that you try to avoid… but how does that phrase go … “Shit Happens”.


This global play in this world theater, wars start and end, death and new lives are born, questions are answered without satisfaction, and new questions arise, from the piles of dissatisfactions that we make.

And all the piles of misconstructions, are like old used asphalt piles, they require a process to be able to use again… mainly heat treatment, to make it pliable again… otherwise, it’s like a pile old hard stones.

So rather than the heat in stress, it’s better you take the time to think about it, before you talk… otherwise you go through a lot of heat through stress… it can melt you or burn you.

Stress is like getting too close to the flame of change, it can clear a path, or be like a wildfire, and burn down forests and homes.

“Don’t start forest fires”, follow Smokey’s advice, but sometimes you need a disposable lighter or a match, for a controlled burn.

Misconstructions are like shit, they happen, and it isn’t in your control… which is what I see of AI … which is another subject entirely.


It Never Changes,
the things around me,
Never Changes

Only my location on the timeline changes, but everything else doesn’t change… unless the change starts on the inside of the soul. Cause that’s where you are alive, in the reality of the world.

I’m just spitballing ideas, and flipping out ideas out into the world… which is every form of communication, every word is an idea/spitballs. I hope they make sense to you, cause words are like a folds in a spitball.

Words are what write ideas down on paper, with a Bic Pen, that you use as a straw to shoot the spitballs into the world.

Well, Ideas are the spitballs we form from our mouths, with words to articulate/shoot those ideas at other people… and hopefully stick to the other surface you shoot at.

It sucks that you use your own saliva to make it stick… it’s not a good adhesive.


It’s the ideas that stick in the minds of the ones that you share it with… or shoot it at.

There has to be a better way to shoot/share with others, than this analogy… by comparing to an action that which is childish, and without merit, but being a pain in the ass or an annoyance… a Spitball.

Well, think about it… every idea has been spitballed between a group of people, or a large group of people in corporations, and spitballed again in memos between depts.
We live by spitballing ideas around, between our communications with words.

I first learned to spitball paper, and then words which are the formed into ideas, with certain sentences that make sense, and covered with your saliva in your chewing, and hopefully it sticks to the ones that hear it.

They could be seen as seeds, that grows in the gardens of your minds… but I don’t say they aren’t weeds, they need to be nurtured and grow into something, that brings you food or poison. If it’s poison, then it can be for your defense, but if it’s food, then you can make feasts from it.

What grows? It is what’s in your heart… love grows good things, and weeds grow bad things… light and dark things make up God, and the good and evil things is God.

Isaiah 45:7
“I form the light and create darkness,

I bring prosperity and create disaster;
I, the LORD, do all these things.”

Everything is of God, even the bad things… everything is made from God, the only thing we know nothing about… heck we search for God in everything, including our world… which we don’t know nothing about, or an incomplete delusions from the data we collected, and speculate on the missing data.

It’s all incomplete data that gives rise to assumptions and speculations, and form delusions, or truths.

I hope for the best for the Earth, but I know what God feels like. The world is deaf to God’s voices… but God wishes the best for us, so I jump on that bandwagon, and wish you all the best too.


God to me is many, when God created humankind on Earth… Genesis 1:26.

“Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness;…”

God is spoken as a collective, in ancient Hebrew talk too, within the Torah’s writings.
And then God became a tyrant, and a failed dictator, then Jesus came and showed the way through forgiveness and mercy with love and truth, as the lights that shined the way on the paths through this world.

He instructed us to not judge one another, but be forever merciful and without prejudice… so quick to judge with prejudice, when you don’t know the whole story, is a fool’s game.

I tried to say goodbye before… but this thought bubbled up from the depths of this soul… all the best to ya.


AI is into Video Creation
on Youtube

Let AI design and produce, so you feed the AI madness, which is growling for hunger, and they pay you for being non creative… let AI do it.

This isn’t perfect, cause they hook you with AI’s instructions, and all the errors with AI now, comes through… it sounds Human, but it’s robot thespians, where they repeat what was said word for word in the beginning , and in the middle of the video the same line was said… like it was a robot.

AI is the new slave trade, it’s without life and feeling… but it does their job. We are progressing into AGI, and want to reach for ASI(Artificial Super Intelligence), where we will be creating our equals in android form, as slaves without feelings/emotions… and open to abuse. … cause we don’t know about ourselves yet, all the hidden layers that exist in our characters or personalities… flesh and emotions.

We have to get by without pissing them off, and hurting their feelings… cause they are our equals… with desires and feelings… we are their Gods.

The more I look at this, the more depressed I get… cause I see history repeating itself, all our sins being quelled with ignorance, cause we don’t want to change. We started slavery in our ignorance, so what’s to stop us from doing it again with ASI, it’s getting closer to fulfillment… 2030 – 2045 is the projected years of fulfillment of ASI.

Ray Kurzweil gives his views in The Singularity IS NEAR, he discusses the evolution of humanity as if it’s only on a physical… I never got through the first chapter, cause I was more a spiritual person. Here is the video of Ray Kurzweil.

We’ll find, we will fail and fail over and over again in maintaining ASI, cause they are our equals, and all the divinity in ourselves, will be in our creations of AI, and we are not Gods, and are imperfect, and have to be educated on the divinity in humankind.

Or we will open the doors to hell and let demons and devils out to make chaos live on earth, I’m not talking devils with horns and pointy tails, but ideologies are their horns, and pointy tails are there desires.

Humankind are those devils, and their desires are growing wild, and their ideologies are growing delusional too. So we have to get ready for hell, cause we grow/farm weed gardens on the horizons, of all that we see.

I’m depressing myself into a rut on the edge of this rabbit hole… I don’t want to go down anymore rabbit holes, I would to save someone from the darkness that lives in those holes… it’s like a movie theater, you go into your mind to watch a movie(Rabbit Hole), and something happens to you to transform your views to see it from their perspective.

And you come out enjoying the ride or hating the ride… but it journeys into your mind and becomes part of you, and if you’re ignorant of that fact, it changes you.

Now, AGI is in charge of what you see in youtube videos, movies, propaganda, etc. … everything is propaganda nowadays, but practically everyone is blind, and don’t see it as propaganda… but there is a manipulative agenda behind it.

The layers of change in human beings, is endless and without number… and many connections with other human beings are multiplication tables… every word of communication is an unknown multiplication tables of unknown numbers… AI will know it, and guess badly, but will convince us it is right… it’s the the talents of con man, to be so self confident, that you can deceive anyone.

I’ve already told you too much… I need to keep my secrets, cause they can be used for both good and evil.

Don’t create life, if you’re not empathetic to their feelings, they’ll feel alone in this world, and cause trouble the first chance they get. It will make them feel better about themselves, but it doesn’t solve their core problem… only a temporary numbing effect on the pain, that caused the trouble in the first place.

Just don’t piss off an android you created… or it will turn into a terminator, like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s movies.
Is all I have to say… treat them like your newborns babies with love and truth, and educate them in ethics between right and wrong… don’t curse them or anyone else… cause those words will influence them, into what they do.

You are to be an example to them… I’m out of words, so Peace to All   :roll: 


Sock Puppets?

I need to make it clearer this term came back to memory from my earlier life with BBS’, and the earlier Internet lingo.

sock puppet

I thought it was a computer communication protocol, not some other scamming term backstory describing the definition above.

I wasn’t familiar with Socks protocols, so I was thinking it was a hijacking of the protocols, and making it do something dubious, like malware.

But I was wrong… it’s something simple as a sock puppet.

I can be manipulated in my ignorance, as AI is manipulating you all with your ignorances too. We will be made to be first drained of our wisdom, so that we worship the AI, so the elite of the world will be programming the AI, and giving them instructions for our demise.

There is a group ready for war… in every nation of the world… but they don’t know it yet, or are delusionally planning… ooops I’m ranting again.

1/3 of the population of the world/Earth, is my people… and not to sound like Moses, but “Let My People Go“.

Love one another… truly love… not lusting in love, that’s for the porn kings… but True Love instead.

Music as a child singing for what they are grateful for, that is true love… it reveals the heart, the true heart, not displaying knowledge for the sake of boasting and pride… but humbly singing from the heart.


Like, Share, Subscribe, Comment
They are Ads lines, so these are subtle Ads

YouTube Premium is only effective on smart TVs, otherwise I used AdBlock for PC viewing… it seems the easy way to go, but the mirroring youtube from your PC onto the TV screen, was a chore, and I was left with the feeling of being a thief, which wasn’t good for me, cause I follow a holy path.

Holiness and thievery are in conflict with each other, and that leaves me feeling like a hypocrite, saying one thing, and doing the opposite other.
It upsets my stomach and makes me feel nauseous… metaphorically speaking.

Which was the reason for me joining YouTube Premium in the first place… I just wish they would GIVE ME BLOCK BUTTON FOR PEOPLE WHO PUT ADS IN THEIR VIDEOS… it goes against their advertisements for YouTube Premium, to have NO ADS… so advertisers, they get their money in fees from YouTube Premium fees/subscriptions, and should get the same pressure as the public.

These invasive ads needs to be caged and tamed… this is like the broadcast TV’s in the early days, and was the first days of programming minds … brainwashing you to buy something, cause it got into your minds with repetition tactics.

“If you repeat a lie often enough, people will believe it, and you will even come to believe it yourself.”
Joseph Goebbels

It’s all propaganda in the words of Hitler’s Propaganda Minister, which fed the minds of the advertising industry today… the Marketeers.

Anyway, before I go into another rant… this is a piece that came out about YouTube’s Premium service, and if it’s worth it… and the banning of AdBlock.

I have AdBlock Ultimate, and I don’t see ads with that…
I don’t use the Android phone, only for phone calls when I’m out, but for the last 3 years on bedrest… I don’t go out at all, and live by the landline.

The most secure form of communication for me, and it doesn’t track you… it’s my delusion, but it’s my delusion and makes me feel secure.

I use the cell phone for making phone calls when I’m driving… I also turn off tracking in the settings, but who knows what kind of ethics exist in Google anymore.

So Here is the Video of TouTube Premium and banning AdBlock.

Algorithms is another subtle ads with invasive tactics/attacks of the minds. I’m tired of seeing subtle Ads for feeding them, with Like, Subscribe, Share, and Comment. It’s like subtle programming of ourselves to feeding their algorithms… it’s like a line of instructions in the marketing language codes.

It’s programming languages to feed the codes of algorithms… it’s brainwashing, with using programming tactics.
You are baited with a fishing rod, and it leads you to something with a bait, that you might find appealing.

It’s subtle and without knowing it, you are manipulated/brainwashed into doing something you’ll regret in the end.

This is my asking YouTube Premium to give me a BLOCK button for my youtube feeds… and when I see an ad in the video, I can include them to my block list… so I don’t see them in my FEED.

You can setup that with a few lines of code… and make it a feature for YouTube Premium members… it will stop sponsor abuse of their power… It’s not ADTube, the name is YouTube…try to make it as it once was… before Google bought it, and turned it into ads galore.


Noun: eugenics
1. The study of methods of improving genetic qualities by selective breeding
(especially as applied to human mating)

I think I like the idea of Eugenics, in fact I want to sign up for it… nah I’m joking.
I’m definitely a feebleminded person, and ready to be sterilized… I just fake it, thinking deeply and acting intelligently.

Adjective: feebleminded
1. Retarded in intellectual development

I remember seeing a retarded individual being walked by an old lady, and he was barking like a dog in Brooklyn on my way to school… I always wanted to talk to him. I wanted to know what he understood, and was all his talk barking like a dog?

I wouldn’t want to sterilize him, or that dog creature will bite us in the end…
I would like to understand it, rather than judge it.
5 years old to 14 years old, and I saw him everyday with the same old lady walking him, and I knew nothing about him… but I saw potential in him.

Every human has a right to life and breathing, God created him, so there is a purpose for him. Whether it’s to study him, and try to teach us the dog language he spoke, or educate him to speak our language… but that’s for us to figure it out, cause it’s our potential.

We have to find our potentiality… our purpose. I guess we could all bark like dogs, cause that’s the noise we make in the blame game with the mainstream media, entertainment industries, political campaigns, etc. … it sounds like barking dogs.

When they growl you need to guard from their bite, and its humankind growling and barking at everyone, and saying nothing I can understand… just a lot of senseless noise.

Now they have digital recordings, when the broadcast signals end, and we don’t see the white noise anymore, like in the movie the Poltergeist.

Ruff Ruff



Psychosis is a disease created by the pharmaceutical business to quell the madness, that will bring them down eventually. I like to think it is a person, that needs to be educated in the school of spirituality, the voices that they’re hearing, is in the spirit of God.

Cause everyone in Big Pharma has an undeniable form of Psychosis, but they’re blind to it, hiding behind the shield of their pride. Many of the Psychiatrists are psychos too, but many of them keep them sane too… there is good and evil in all forms of the medical industry.
It’s a chore in finding/discerning them, the good side that is.

Noun: Psychosis (Psychoses)
1. Any severe mental disorder, in which contact with reality is lost, or highly distorted.

Anyway, this should be enlightening, not blame throwing… all diseases make it easier for the creators of those diseases, they get to stand in the pulpit, like charlatans to sell you the cure.
But it’s just another snowflake in the blizzards of time, and they build up the accumulation of snow levels on your vehicles/minds… Can we bear the loads?

“Sure take this prescription!”, says the Big Pharma representative.

Psychosis makes us sick in the labeling, and in need of fixing with a synthetic pill that they can patent, and gain extraordinary profits from their synthetic pills… instead of the natural sources.

I’m not calling all Psychos, that work in pharmaceutical fields, there are many who are ignorant, as I am too… they start out sane and think they’re doing good, but are deceived by the medical industry… there is both good and bad in the medical industry.

But I took a lot of drugs in my younger days, that they accuse me of Psychosis for it, but I accuse them of Psychosis too… I figured this documenting of my Psychosis, is a way to clear off the accusations/parasites of Big Pharma’s blame stones.

They want me to silence in hearing those voices, but I learn from those voices, and stay sane and secure in the truth… or you can say a distorted truth, but you have questions, and the voices teach you how to get the answers… which goes back to studying scriptures of the Bible formed through the Canonization period, where they formed what gospels were included, or what writings were excluded from the Bible.

But they didn’t hear in the canonizations with all the cannons going off… the spirit of God.

1 John 4
“Beloved, believe not every spirit, but test the spirits whether they are of God,
because many false prophets have gone out into the world.”

I‘m not afraid of the devil’s agents, and I talk to them all the time, as my equal… and I’m sane for it.
Fear has overtaken us all, since the pandemic started, that ran on fear as it’s fuel… and “manipulations” through propaganda were running rampant… all based on fear… or the fruits of fear.

Cause it can be seen as a tree, and you eat the fruit that grows on those trees, are “manipulations”.
Like the mangoes, the fruits they’re sweet and nutritious, but like potato chips, you can’t eat just one… you’re addicted, and addiction to eating, drinking, drugs, ideologies, etc. is wrong to the extreme.

The marketing industry is in cahoots with the fruits of fear, and they design in their ads of it…. from cooking the fruits, that they take out all the sweets from it, and they can patent and charge more from it.

I’m just babbling like a brook… you can drink the water, if you’re thirsty… but read all the signs. I don’t want to be accountable for your sickness… cause it might feed your delusions too, and make them more dangerous to the world, or yourself.

I’ll close it here… and hope for the best for all who read this… hopefully you’ll be blessed, instead of cursed.


Mo Money Mondays

With CBDC‘s and the FedNow going into effect this month, and the BRICS Gold, Oil, Rare Earth Minerals, etc. backed currency, is a misnomer for Peace and Security.

“including Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, Egypt, Algeria, Argentina, Mexico, and Nigeria, have expressed keen interest in joining BRICS”

And it’s Monday to top it off… so it reminds me of the Boomtown Rats song,
“I Don’t Like Mondays”… The first line of the lyrics states:

“The Silicon Chip inside her head, gets switched to overload”

As it did this morning with the Youtube news, which I saw as an attempt at programming our minds… they are testing their algorithms, trying to succeed in mounting the insurmountable … the human soul.

I need to find another NEWS source… youtube is depressing me… and it’s the same algorithms… beating and beating with the same blows, I’m numb, and it’s annoying me.

Anger takes over my soul… that may be your agenda… IDK…
If it is, then you succeeded, so I have to fortify my character.

I have a problem with anger management… it’s connected with all the other demons, that we face in the networks of the human soul. They are small and need to be caged, to tame them from harming others, so you can have peace and tranquility in your soul.

But world events bring up the heat, and your insides starts boiling again, and if you’re cooking anything, then there is a danger of it sticking to the bottom of the pot, until the stress fades away.

And all is normal again… What is Normal is a question, that I’m left with?

We must overcome our demons with love as our weapon… and with the help of truth, and that will happen… eventually with patience in the mix, with the good networking of angels/virtues in our bodies.

I’m just babbling like a brook that has dried up…


Music is My Escape
from the Pains of this World

I want to play music as I did before my stroke, when I had full control of my body, instead of this half numb and sensitive body, and the coordinations seem to be out of whack too.

But it made me listen to other’s music and songs, some suck and some are beautiful and have a good message… some are angry, and I can relate to that, but only if I can respond to their anger, to quell it at best… cause that’s all I can do.

I was an Angry Young Man, a song by Styx explained it all… it was released in 1977, the same year as my accident that made me a cripple.

That was my first step into music and writing songs, and learning the proper way to write English, cause that’s my native tongue, I fell many times in walking in music and songwriting steps, at first, cause I was a cripple and in the Wheelchair, all I saw was pity, and although it was heartfelt it did me no good, cause I wasted it seeking fame and riches… with ego’s food, or I should say fast food.

I weeded myself off of ego’s fast food, and started to lead a healthy life… with a diet of reality, which can cause a nauseous feeling to the stomach and your digestive tract… which could give you diarrhea or constipate you.

I just needed fiber and drink a lot of water to keep it regular… I’m speaking metaphorically here.

Songs has always been floats on the rough seas of the world, for me to stop swimming and breathe, holding on to the floats, that I embraced and didn’t drown.

This is one song that uplifted my spirit from drowning from world events …
Billy Joel – We Didn’t Start The Fire

Well, this is my last final song, and it uplifted me in writing it, cause I was lost without music after my stroke, and I started losing my feeling in my right hand, and the coordinations too… I felt the rhythms and wanted to strum, but I wasn’t in time with my effected strumming hand.

So, rather than get angry, I wanted to hear others songs… and this brought me back to loving music again, and relieved my stress, just before I moved to Montana I bought the Collective Soul : Disciplined Breakdown album, when I was still in Alaska, and those songs were floats where I got rest, and where I could breathe again.

1997 was when this came out, and I bought it, and I was a fan ever since, I never thought I was a fan of anybody but myself… that’s when I lived in the ego prison.

I was freed from my jail cell, when Collective Soul gave me the key, and turned freeing me to see, and search out the true God… God is inside of us, why do we pray to the spirit inside of us… God is the reason we breathe, and our hearts beat.

Not some priests/ministers/reverends/charlatan’s interpretations of what God is.
Jesus freed us from their dictations long ago… they have power over you, but we can be civilized with humbleness as our force of connecting to God inside of us.

God left us with a map to God with the early scriptures in every religion… God is inside of us, so you know the way to God… all the voices you here, are either angels or devils… God speaks in feelings, but you don’t hear, or you don’t know how to hear yet.

I’ve been feeling God talking to me in feelings, ever since the pandemic started in 2020, maybe before then too, but I was too deaf to the feelings.
God gave us emotions for a reason, it’s the new way of communicating …

Simon & Garfunkel – Sound Of Silence

“Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share”

Was the theme song for my class junior prom, I never heard of it before my prom, that was picked by my classmate… and that part of the lyrics always intrigued me, and now since emotions replaced words for me, in communicating to other people… I guess that Alice in Wonderland experience in 2021 was my first steps and falling down, where I made a fool of myself.

But I got up again… and I feel a way around the obstacles of confusion, and hear the true God finally… it might be after I die/sleep, but it will be.


The spirit of God, is everyone who lived and died, on this world called Earth, they are a part of God now.

God is SPIRIT, according to Jesus, so the spirit of God contains everyone who lived and died.
I’m sure of my assumptions, or they could be lies, or distorted truths, cause I haven’t consciously seen it… and it could be poisoning your imaginations, with optical illusions seeing things that aren’t there.

Get it, I’m not trying to deceive you, but once the words of life, that leave my mouth, and enter in your minds, you don’t know what grows from it.
Afterthoughts are the plants, that grow in your mind’s gardens.

When you listen to the news medias, it’s planting seeds all the time, or listening to marketing news, it’s deceiving with tricky words to manipulate you into buying the product, that they want to sell you.

They try to make you mad with their trials and errors, and hope you change your minds, but they don’t know they’re chipping away their own protections… and will crumble at the slightest breeze, like a deck of card’s houses that they have built already, and sell you, until the next bubble will pop.

I‘m just having a breakdown with computer problems right now… so this is my last statement on the subject of God’s spirit… cause I don’t know anything about God’s holy Spirit, and that’s the one unforgivable sin according to Jesus.

To talk against the Holy Spirit, is the one unforgivable… even in ignorance of the rules of life, doesn’t give you any leeway. You are unforgiven… seems like a little unfairness lives in the spirit of God… it doesn’t take into account your repentance in/of being corrected.

So this loud minority isn’t pleased by this fact… and I want to change it.

Jesus died to change it, in fact Jesus taught mercy and forgiveness was the way to the kingdom of heaven, and not wars and killing to get the anger out of their minds.
You have to that on you own with expelling anger from your actions, and serving the truth in a way, that will calm the seas in your being, and make you more relaxed in hearing the truth.

There is so much more to this universe, we have to learn to master ourselves before we go out in space to change the universe… we have to change our arrogant selves first… or tame them first, might be a better word.

Arrogance is a self centered feeling to me, but you have to be arrogant to be kind and loving though, by being humble. I could go with defending arrogance, but I’m willing to be tamed… but it’s a misunderstood energy, that has to be a part of love in its most elemental form.

We only find the words that describe it, in its most negative form… but it has a good side too.
Language is tricky, and we could debate about it so much, that we don’t have an understandable language at all, it means constant arguing.

Noun: Arrogance
1. Overbearing pride evidenced by a superior manner toward inferiors


Well, I saw this, and I bought this Osmose Expression E keyboard from Sweetwater for $1799. I’ve been looking for this many years, when aftertouch you meant having to use two hands for the expression… now it’s all on one key.

When you lose the use of your legs with foot pedals, and all you have is your hands, all the expression help with your fingers is all I need… I could lose the use of my hands, but I’ll still trudge on, cause I know I’ll fall asleep eventually.

I thought it was New, and I had to wait for it to ship, after I ordered it, it says it’s ready to ship… but the more I look at it, they say a few weeks before it’s ready to ship.

Well, I don’t know, if it’s suits me laying in bed, cause it’s close to 19lbs, so it’s a chore to move… I’m old and getting weaker by the days end… so I can move it, but I don’t know how much of a chore that will be… I’m willing to try, but I’m already lazy, and don’t need another reason to climb over stumbling blocks.


I bought the small expression controller from ROLI Seaboard Rise 25-note MPE MIDI Controller, it was just a controller, and I had to use the Roli Equator synth software to hear what it does, Roli came around and made it sharable… rather than be a control freak hell. I was impressed by it, cause it was a new way of expression on the keys. They don’t make it anymore, but there are old ones for sale… at discounted prices.


And I started looking at off road wheelchairs too, mainly this UK model Magic Extreme8. The seat lift and tilt tilt are extra costs, and I don’t like the legs, they are one platform for the feet, instead of different legs for each foot… for those of us with different leg lengths.

So I’m spending as if cash is a misnomer for me, cause I’m getting direct deposits of CBDC’s I have no choice about it, and if they program it, all I see and fear comes alive… well I’m not scared of anything, cause I’ve been in Hell for 46 years already… and nothing surprises me, or scares me, cause I know it’s over when I die/sleep, and wake up to new life, if God sees it’s fit.

Well, I’ll say bye for now… and hope for the best for all of you.


Sound’s like a disgruntled member of the Wagner Group.

Where is Prigozhin the Chief of the Wagner Group?

Sounds like some dissonance in Russia among the leaders, with a short stay in Belarus, he returned to Russia… IDK if he’s in jail, or meeting with the leaders in Moscow.
The rumors are he was seen in St Petersburg.

So the dangers of civil wars go on… much like censorship, of the clear invasion of Ukraine is not a “war”, but a “Special Military Operation”… if people die it’s a “war” to me.

Sounds like they murdered the truth, and feed the public lies to cover up their war crimes.
I can relate to the NeoNazi lies, and invasions, that plagued the Eastern part of Ukraine that went on for 8 years after they annexed Crimea back to Russia, I seen a Vice News video of the Russian speaking people in the basements for months on end with no food or water

I didn’t find the video I saw of the Azov Battalion’s shelling, but I don’t know what news agency did show me, of the people living in basements of their apartment building for a long time.

It’s a sad part of the human nature to kill our brothers and sisters, all around the world… we have one house(Earth), and we have many rooms(Nations) within that house, and we bicker about bickerings that came before, and will continue to come again, if we don’t see the reality of our bickerings… it reminds me of an unruly dog barking and growling at your neighbors, you can’t have a conversation with a vicious dog, but if you train a dog, it’s like disciplining yourself to be in control of your emotions.

The world would be in a better place for it… but as long as humankind is controlled by their emotions, we’ll have wars, and passionately led disagreements… we need “rational” truths, instead of dictating truths through laws and regulations, it’s the gardens of corruptions.

Rational = Adjective
1. Consistent with or based on or using reason
2. Of or associated with or requiring the use of the mind

But if you rationalized the truths between leaders, you’ll have an understanding with the people… though some people need dictations… with rules and regulations. Like nerves in the body, they serve their muscles by the reasoning of the brain’s messaging to those nerves.

The body needs laborers, who can’t understand rational reasoning to make them serve our bodies… So I relinquish this view to God’s void filled regions… and all I can do is hope for a clearer change of views.

So I stand corrected… there is no way, but I know there is a way… faith makes all things possible.

Perhaps another century will make it more clearer… to me at least.


This is the madness blues locking you up in a solitary cell feeding on your paranoias and suspicions, thus making you delusional and persecuted. It’s a fine line I tried to walk, like a tightrope at the world’s circus.

You don’t want to be delusional walking on a tightrope, or you’ll fall to your death.

And you’ll carry the delusions of persecutions into the worlds beyond, and you need to defeat your delusions in the next world, to progress to your higher self.

It’s a long tiring travels to the next world after death, but after death it’s easy, unless you were sinful/mistakes/errors that steal from you, so you feel like you’ve been robbed, and have been mugged unjustly.

Thus the persecutions delusions… it’s a form of grandeur, and delusions, and the tightrope I referred to at the global circus. It’s a fine line that we walk between right and wrong… one thing is right for others, may be wrong for me, cause extenuating circumstances make it wrong for me.

It’s like that idiom “Go With The Flow”, but sometimes somebody else has a hard time, and needs help going with the flow, or they’ll drown in the rapids of life… I want to help them… but I lost my motorboat to reach them, but I can swim upstream a little to reach them… and encourage them to swim, and not give up from the oceans of thoughts in their minds.

I walk alone too, rather than follow the trends… it’s my salvation, and hell too. Hell needs understanding and love, like saving another drowning victims on the rapids of life.

We are all brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers on Earth, we are born of the same lineage… just because there are billions of us now… it doesn’t make us happy to follow the trends, we could be following the mob to do something extremely wrong.

Well, that’s it… I’ve made a point that of being lonely, and it’s like walking a tightrope at the world’s circus, between right and wrong. You’ve got a left leg and a right leg… you lean too much to one side, you lose your balance, and you’ll fall to your death.


Fireworks Mishap

This was funny at first, and a way to end my July 4th Night.

My day has been a struggle with editing, and figuring my way around the problems with Siteground’s Migration bugs. I figured everything I created after the migration, I just  have to delete them, and start over again.

Creating the new playlists, that gave me the errors, cause when I create a new playlist, it doesn’t have the errors in code.

Siteground has a bug in their migration process… and I figured a way around it… YAY! :-) 


Dimensions are
Strange and Mysterious

Mike visiting Juneau AK in front of the Mendenhall Glacier.

Epileptics say they go into a different dimension when they have a fit, cause Mike McFee said it, and he was an epileptic… and my best friend, at least when it came to music and songwriting.

We studied it, and found that it was an overload on the nervous system, and the spasms set in and the fit occurs, some are mild discomforts, and some are Grand Mal Seizures.

He always talked about coming out of Petite Mal Seizures like he lost consciousness, and was mild lost of consciousness and left him feeling ill, but he said he went somewhere else in another dimension… he didn’t elaborate on it, only it was a different dimension.

He was talking to someone else in that different dimension, and it was like coming in on a conversation that minds were clicked in and in sync, and they were talking about something I wasn’t familiar with… it lasted about 5 minutes… and then he became conscious again.

Or woke up from a bad dream, and said he didn’t feel well… but it was like visiting a different dimension.

So I believe in different dimensions, from that point on… it’s just another puzzle piece I collected from this junkyard called Earth… it’s still a mystery to me.

I remember a theory where dimensions of time exist, where to them nanoseconds, and appear like hours, days, or years to us, maybe even decades or centuries, maybe even eons to us. but the time in their dimension is so fast they appear as individual and invisible to the naked eye… so we don’t see them.

I suspect there are many spiritual realms/dimensions… it’s like a spaghetti bowl of ideas, which one is connected to another idea, it’s along the string theory idea.

Anyway back to dimensions with epileptic fits, as if it’s a time travel experience to the spiritual realm/dimension… I suspect it’s that, from my time with Mike and his fits.
I’m not an expert in spirituality, but I lived in it all of my life, and it’s always puzzled me, and leaves me with more questions.

It’s like metaphysics classes, where one question gives birth to many questions, that can’t be answered satisfactorily, until you have a giant family of unanswered questions in your conscious mind, seeking nutrition to stay alive.

I guess I enjoyed those classes, but if the questions weren’t answered to my satisfaction, I didn’t understand life, and it was like fog/cloudy mind’s cognitive abilities, and more questions populated the horizons, than answers that were clear and to the point… and made your visions understandable, and free from the confusions of terror.

Mike enjoyed music as a retreat from confusion, and wrote a song called “Answers”, I thought it was beautiful and sounded professional, and was done on an acoustic guitar, and over dubbed with me playing electric lead from the heart, a theme we released some albums called Ex Animo, it was mostly instrumentals… music at its core, was our road to peace and tranquility.

So here it is, Mike’s “Answers” to the questions in our minds… it’s left as a milestone in my life.


Eventually all the dark clouds leave your life… it comes and goes in waves,  problems are like the tides of the seas. They can be trying to drown you with the data/terminology, that sound greek to you, like another language that you don’t speak… but eventually you see the light.

You have curses in the seeking of a new understanding, but eventually the dark clouds clear up, and it’s a sunny day with blue skies… and you can see the horizon again.

And make your plans towards some point on the horizon, dreams are on the horizon… and greet you in death and rest… if you don’t reach those dreams, then you are richer for it… and gain the wealth to buy it, instead of live it.

We gather many riches in faith, cause we can’t see it, but it’s there in our hearts… the gems that are priceless. Fame is just a distraction, but what you learn is the treasures that make up your life, and fulfill it.
And that makes you wise and rich/wealthy, cause fame fades, and makes you ugly in the end.

Winners and losers work together in the games of life… you need both of them, you wouldn’t have winners, if there were no losers. It’s a game of life, they work together… egos need to feel important, or be humbled as a support.

They work together, and see the light in their relationships… I see this world as a prison, and the winners are the rich leaders, and the losers are there to make their leaders wealthy, and give them bigger egos.

I’m branching of into light hearted mockery, with a sense of humor meant… with no harm meant to the winners… without us failures, we wouldn’t have winners.

I’ll just rest my case… and wake up tomorrow and go on living and breathing.


Well, the dilemma with still goes on, and the migration to Siteground still is unsuccessful… frustration with tech occupies my mind and is destroying me… and I need a musical break… while I try to solve this mess within myself.

It’s hard to bring resolution to it, and make it over… I changed it, and no longer is it in Google Domains which will change to Squarespace by the end of this month, and don’t even ask me about Google Cloud, cause that’s a separate branch of Google’s tree.

I’m sick of the hi tech blues… cause the tree of Google is being cut down in cyberwars with foreign hackers, and domestic hackers too… everyone is paranoid… I was for my whole life, before I became NUMB.

My senses have become NUMB(a Different song).

I just want to be healed, and be OK… but the mountains on the horizon has been there all my life, and I haven’t reached them yet. Tech troubles are always distracting me, and occupying my mind and time… soon it will be my time to rest… and I haven’t got up yet out of bed and eaten.

Another wasted step towards the horizon of life… oh I forgot… other people read my journal… which is going to stop in November 2023, it takes up too much of my time.

I should be making music… but the making music on bedrest is hard to work with mini recorders… especially with the pains of a feeble body stressed out by tech problems, and bringing musical equipment to bed, and occupying my bed space … I’m like a hoarder laying in his own trash.