Where I talk to myself, and make sense of this corruptible world, and remove the errors from my mind, for sanity’s purposes… when I read, what I’ve written here, in my peace of mind in silence.
The end of May is today, and tomorrow June begins, and the horizon is dark, and the future is uncertain, but I hope we get through it unscathed, and without despair.
The future should be bright, but that’s only for elite minded, but I see them as delusionally minded, they think it’s bright, but I see it as dark as night.
CBDCs take effect sometime in July, and we are done researching it, and making it as a way of payment… the only thing is it’s programmable money, no longer printed money, it has chains on it… programmable chains.
“Will a U.S. CBDC replace cash or paper currency?
The link above is saying printable money is not replaced by CBDCs, I guess that’s for now, but once they are in place, then they can make subtle changes over the next few elections.
They can make it worthless, at the flip of a switch, and don’t think it will not happen, cause it was designed that way at the beginning, so whoever leads the nations, has the power to reprogram it.
And they will, with noble reasons, as the mask why they need to reprogram it.
I’m not feeling good about the future of the US govt, I see the political landscape changing, as the parties change at whim “No Label” party is being discussed and formed, another third party to manipulate the votes… so that they can take away from the winner candidates, so that they split the unsure voters, and bleed away voters from their winning candidates, or low balling candidates into getting winning votes.
It’s like the more choices you have, it makes it predictable… and more so with AI in the picture now.
And that’s not discussing the AGI(Artificial General Intelligence), or ASI(Artificial Super Intelligence), and their error proneness, that is prevalent in modern AI, and AGI, or ASI… which I’m guessing is prevalent in them too.
The cliche the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, comes to my mind… so errors are in the future of AI, and we are delusional to think we can find them, if we let ONE go by, then there are a 1000 within a few nanoseconds, cause errors multiply at an exponential pace… making a complete shutdown are our only hope for stability.
I just hope, it isn’t as dark, as I see our future is.
Go Go Penguin
I guess no words, and that thought is making me not worry of the things developing in the world today, under the media’s flame.
Each day it’s building up the heat on world events, and I’m waiting for someone to lose it, and start something that can’t be erased… cause everyone’s pride is in the mix, and we know how pride over exaggerates everything, cause they feel hurt… and want to kill everything that bothers them… with wars and conflicts.
Out of sight and out of mind.
There is no message of what’s happening in the world today… with all the hell and disagreements in the EU, and all the conflicts between Russia and Ukraine has been going on for over a year, and the sadness going on all over the world with inflation and all the new CBDCs from different countries, designing programming for the CBDCs… It better stop, cause it puts more power to the central banks.
It centralizes power, and drives humanity mad, cause everyone wants centralized power… we have a lot of power addicts in the world today.
Maybe next month is better, I say that every month.
Pleasure or Joy?
Joy is more permanent than pleasure, it is born within yourself, and pleasure is a fleeting moment born by some external source.
I would rather take a joy ride, than take a pleasure ride, like masturbation is a pleasure ride, but love is a joy ride.
It’s more permanent, and more beneficial to the edification of your character, which is another permanent edification of your being.
Soul = character = being
Joy is the treasure, I want and seek from others, and I want to share with others… it’s a joy for me.
I went crazy with masturbation, and it only lasted for my masturbation time, and I had the urge again, which is a sign of addiction of the soul… and my talks with my Dad was about addiction, was about drugs, but I saw everything as a drug, music, pleasure, jam sessions, etc., so I watched for signs of addiction, and saw them in my experiences.
So, I’m addicted to joy, but it’s born within myself, it isn’t created by anything I experience from this world. So, I feel it inside, and it’s born within me… and memories are the bloodline/veins & arteries of their existence, so its a permanent part of me/soul.
And I need only to remember it, to feel the joy again… instead of touching myself, though touching is a joy too, but not masturbation. It is a pleasure only.
So if you ask me, do I want pleasure or joy? I would have to say Joy, I can get pleasure at any time, and it’s addictive, but joy is more lasting and its part of my heart…and I only need to remember it, to bring back those feelings again.
Like seeing your kids happy, and reminiscing about good times with your friends, and other good memories, that are in your heart and mind.
But this has been on my mind all night, and now I’m unloading it on you/reader… and me too when I read it in the future.
It opens up new dilemmas, and hopes for good memories, I choose the latter…
Perfect Love casts out All Fear… and after the pandemic which was led by out of control fear.
I welcomed my poverty, if it meant doing away with fear… what I choose to exist in love without fear. Read 1John 4:18
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”
I was in the hospital during the out of control fear days, and was forced to wear a mask when I left my room, and nobody could visit me, cause it was against VAH and civilian hospital rules.
But I digress, it’s supposed to be about Love… and love is far from the current picture of the Pandemic.
We put it behind us, but the fears fly around our consciousness everyday… lingering like flies around a shit/manure pile.
Love heals well, and is the only medicine I need to heal, but hospitals are only profit making, and don’t heal when they’re only concerned about profit… there are a few doctor and nurses that remember the old days, when healing filled their hospital halls, at least the VA hospitals that I visited.
The patients need not whine like a sore loser, we all are losers… so enjoy the like company in your stay… there is more politics in your stay at the VA hospitals nowadays, talk between nurses about their patients, and patients talking about their nurses, and bad mouthing on both sides.
We need love as the profits, and people will heal… not by a chains attached to big pharma, but true healing, pills should be used as a crutch, not chaining us to a wall of healing. Big Pharma is rich enough, and they should pay us for our guinea pig status… cause we are their guinea pigs.
I’m bashing the medical industry… I should forgive them, and be thankful for their love… cause there are a few nurses and doctors, that offer true healing in the medical industry.
And their prescriptions are love based, cause that is true healing, but there are nurses that are bad too, and doctors that are bad too… and they’re only concerned about profit… instead of love.
I would like to heal this bedsore I’ve had for 3 years now… but every time I went into the hospital, they killed my immune system with IV antibiotics for 6 weeks… every time I went into the hospital, in fact twice when I spent 6 months in the Denver VAH… they only closed it, they didn’t heal it, cause it opened up again.
I wasn’t going to die their way… I’ve witnessed it all my life, at least the last 47 years, since my car accident.
I choose Jesus to follow, and along the way I welcome the love and mercy of others, and try to give it back to them… and help them out of their ruts or just to keep them company in their misery… cause this world is a misery to me.
And we all love the company of the like minded, and return to seeking their goals on their horizons, cause we all end up in the same place… we go to our dreams in the end, and to get our rest.
At least it is my faith, that we will live eternally… we die every night, and are awakened by dawn of the next day… like me, with insomnia… I get worn down, instead of resting… but I see others getting their rest… I’m not jealous, but maybe just a little bit.
I get joy seeing them, so I’m not jealous… but overjoyed in seeing them rested… cause this life is hell, and they work to make it a paradise.
I needed a catalyst for my thoughts to be chopped down, so I could soar with my plane trapped in the forest/thoughts/trees.
So, I went to Unsplash to get a photo, and I’ll use their photo as a catalyst.
I mostly like not to write this entry, cause it requires heavy thinking.
I can’t soar… there isn’t a runway, where I could pick up speed to get off the ground
I feel trapped in my thoughts/trees, and when I try to type and free me room, I get more thoughts filling my mind… sprouting up as I chop one tree down, another three pop up out of my subconscious soil.
I could light a forest fire, but that leaves me to get burned up too. The madness that surrounds me, is seeping into my existence/being, and changing me, as I stare at the photo.
I just wanted to express that thoughts are the trees of a forest/woods, and sometimes our minds are filled with distorted trees, and cluttered thoughts/trees, so that you have no room to move… like a thick dark forest.
I want to escape this forest of confusion, but I’m trapped in my thoughts… the massiveness of the forest of my mind is something I would like to burn down… and start over.
Well, life is not a video/pc game, and you only have one life, and not multiple lives. You need to find the way out of the forest, by chopping trees/thoughts, only to get your plane/motivation out and free from obstructions.
So, you can finally soar again, and not be burdened by your thoughts anymore.
You need a clear cutting of your mind, to develop a clearing for a runway to soar again.
Sometimes the Vultures
But the reality is you’re just taking a nap, and their assumptions will prove to be their demise.
I guess I’m snoring, but still breathing… and I have more in store for you internet of mankind & femalekind.
You need funds, and you want to rip me off with more funds to cover your losses.
I lost more than you, but you pay my way, and I didn’t ask for it… you promised me grace, but I worked for it, so there is no grace, but my funds. And now you threaten CBDCs, will take effect in a couple of months, the fact that they can be programmed to buy with your approval is a script taken from the Book of Revelations, you didn’t even write your own script, but plagiarized it from the Bible, you stole it.
Such a sad devil/demon are you.
I will defeat you, it’s inevitable.
I will come to you like a thief in the night… that was stolen from bible too.
So is this stolen from the bible:
Sex Offender’s Lists are Evil,
Lumping the sexually curious, with the rapists and murderers, into one lifetime long sexual registry list, is at it’s core evil.
Roger Lancaster is a professor of anthropology and cultural studies at George Mason University said:
“tantamount to practices of banishment” that he deems disproportional, noting that registries include not just the “worst of the worst”, but also “adults who supplied pornography to teenage minors; young schoolteachers who foolishly fell in love with one of their students; men who urinated in public, or were caught having sex in remote areas of public parks after dark.”
We need reform to sex registry laws, if we want an organized list in their proper categories, between consensual, and violent and non consensual, murderers and rapists need their own category.
From what I understand it’s an evolving process, that will take years, maybe even lifetimes to be finished with categorizing, and once it starts who knows what is created… we’ve entered the Data Era.
This touches me personally lately, as when a 12 years old touched me in my crotch, when I was 16 years old, and we had sex for my first time… and I came fast, but pulled it out before I cummed.
I felt ashamed, cause she was so young, and it was my first time… all those feelings were an emotional overload for my emotional stability to handle. You’ll have to remember, your losing your virginity, to feel/relate to what I felt.
My heart was torn between truth, love, lust, all at once… it felt like an attack on the soul… the bait was my curiosity and puberty, and a little lust in my emotions was the catalyst. I was looking for love with a like soul, innocent and curious with her puberty too, and the changes in her body, that were taking place too.
We were both innocent and curious about sex, but if we were caught we would both be on a lifetime sexual offender registry list, if it was around then… this is getting confusing to me, as losing my virginity was.
My reliving it now in my memories, is a good thing, but when you’re young and confused, it’s devastating to the soul, your inner being/self. It incorporates silence into your soul, so you can rationalize what it means, and decide on your future…
I already lived that in Catholic school after my Communion, within a couple of weeks, I was condemned to hell at 7 years old, after not going to church one Sunday… cause it was a mortal sin, I was taught that by the Nuns.
The mind is like a baby to be taught through dialog, and lessons on what is right and what is wrong is the subject of those dialogs. But we are raised by ignorant and evolving parents, it reminds me of science labs with Petri dishes filled with bacteria, fungi, viruses, etc., and us and our parents are in it, and we spread our ideas and influences in our society, and the Petri dishes = our societies.
It’s a weird vision, well I’m a weirdo… I’m a creep… crippled creep Up On Cripple Creek… to close this click on the link with the CC button for the lyrics…
I’m a weirdo, and proud of it.
We Are Messengers – Point To You
“I need a miracle, some healing for my heart“ . You are the reasons for my life God, and you were in my life, before I sought you, and trying to reach you makes me balance out my imperfections with my perfections, and see what’s real in my life.
I’ll keep searching what you are, and realizing from what trails that were formed in your religious conflicts, and political laws, and regulations, they make up the net that we were caught from the oceans of the world.
We are life, and c’est la vie, makes when we don’t like life, we say that phrase to make sense of the struggles that we go through. That’s life.
We are all your children, and your love is only looking for the good for us, and blessing us in our search of yous.
I point to yous… cause you are the reason I live, and the struggle through this life. Yous are the reason I breathe, and my heart delivers the blood to my organs, by your design of my life’s body… a self sustained body for me to use.
And love and forgive, but there are users and losers in the world too, that make me need a miracle, and need a revelations to see the prophetic future that lays before me, and I see the way to go. I might be seen as a loser, that has been ripped off by Users disguised as winners… the thievery that goes on in the world, designing political laws and regulations for thieves to follow, and treat fairly everyone… but the constant balancing of ethics between right and wrong, I need a miracle .
I’m more of need a reason why the musical special characters aren’t in special characters section of the classical WordPress editor.
I work with wordpress, and they seem as thieves that I reference in this post… but it isn’t their fault, they are constantly robbed by the hackers… Black Hat Hackers, and White Hat Hackers are in the Petri dishes of the fights between good and evil, right and wrong, truths and lies, etc. .
Bacteria’s cells at wars, of what they think is right, and wrong.
Bacteria is life in its simplest form… we all started, as bacteria once.
2Rains – Break The Chains was a sad song to create, no one was listening, but my heart was wailing from the pains that I saw with the lies, the day before 9/11/2001, there was $2.3 trillion dollars missing from the Pentagon budget.
And then 9/11 happened the next day… so forgetful for the trillions of dollars missing and unaccountable.
It brought attention to the black budget of the Pentagon, and then 9/11 opened Pandora’s Box, and set the world on fire.
I saw the MSM as the cheerleaders for War, accusing everyone at their weakest moments, and setting the aflame the fears of every nations… well, it only sparked the paranoia of the ignorant. Fear has a way with manipulation… you can make someone, who doesn’t know the truth, to do anything.
I hate the 9/11 fears for revenge misdirected, and treating people unfairly, because of their skin color, or talking a different language than English… we have 8 billion people on this planet, and they all speak different languages… you got the English language as a gift.
There are over 7,151 current languages on the Earth today… so don’t judge anyone for speaking a language that you don’t understand… it’s God’s fault, but he designed this world to speak different languages… building the Tower of Babel is a true story or metaphor, to not understand the words coming out of our mouths.
Language is a gift, when you see that… then you are free.
I see it as we were seeded by the star dwellers, and they made us on this planet to multiply, and treat each other with love and respect… it’s the lies, that get in the way of that.
I just uploaded this last night to SoundCloud, it gets monotonous to go through all your songs for your whole life, with no success to any of them, and living on your own, cause you feel forgotten by God… but you’re trying to hold on to life, and be positive… cause that’s what God taught you.
I’ve been listening to God my whole life, it was first by the Catholics first, where we would stand in church and go around to all the sacraments on the walls, and say a prayer at each sacrament station. I thought it was a farce, but I went along with it anyway. And the farce of confessions, that the Catholics practiced, was a ridiculous practice.
Anyway, the fact after my communion in 2nd grade, I was going to hell, cause I didn’t go to church, cause it was a mortal sin. Having that vision in your head at 7 years old, it crushed me… I believed in it all.
So much in fact, I was turning into an atheist, and I had a spiritual trip, when I was 19 years old in the USAF, and I saw a vision of Jesus, and he was talking to me… but I didn’t believe him.
I tried to OD on PCP that night, which was introduced to me as THC powder, but it was PCP from the high I got.
Well, the next morning the USAF Base Colonel was giving the dorms a surprise inspection, but I wasn’t in the mood, cause I was OD material, and I said “Fuck You” to him through the door, which he wasn’t pleased with, and because I woke up blind… and it was temporary blindness, I was over it by the end of the day.
I was so depressed about my life, back then in the 70’s, and I was suicidal to boot it all.
I wanted to believe in God for real, cause I remembered what Jesus said to me in my vision… “I’m all that’s out here for you …”, I was trying to connect with UFO aliens telepathically, and met Jesus in a yellow robe in the spiritual sense.
My mind was cloudy in that moment… of course 3 weeks later, I received that sign in the car accident where he took my legs away. It was the movie of the Other Side of The Mountain, where a skier lost the use of her legs, that was fresh on my mind, cause I just saw it, and I asked for the sign to be take away my legs, and then I said I would follow you and believe in you.
But I regret saying, making a timeline for a miracle, and then saying do this for me, “and you don’t have to heal me, I’ll believe in you forever.”.
I was such a fool for saying that… as I’ve been my whole life… cause God took it as serious statement.
God was Jesus, when I went to Catholic school, and then he was nonexistent in my atheistic years, and then became real in my post accident years, and became more mysterious in my later years in college, before I dropped out and started a recording studio, and then became a collective to me, once I saw the interpretation in the first chapter of Genesis.
I questioned whether it was the same way in the Jewish scriptures, and it was God was described as a group/collective too… it made sense to me now, spirit is a collective… such as team spirit.
I guess I could find out, and spirit is what the Natives call the Great Spirit of their ancestors, it’s really God, according to their search of God.
God is great… I’ll end it there… before I go into a ranting on God.
Apeel is something that
Well, I posted 100 songs over time on SoundCloud, I never thought that I had over100 songs… I got a lot more songs in me, but more sample creations, cause I’m a pattern player/producer/engineer that is losing his hearing… don’t get me wrong, I get joy from playing, but only short patterns…music is made up of patterns and arranging them is my forte… joy/talent.
I’ve been on bedrest since the Pandemic started over 3 years ago, and I would like to get out of bed in the future, and live a normal life… something that’s foreign to me, cause I never had a normal life… so if it hit me in the face, I wouldn’t know it.
Well, this is going to be a short entry, but I wanted to establish the 100 songs in my documentation, is just all I have to write about… an ego high.
I wrote this song 1984-85, “Where is the Love”… and it still rings true today 40 years later… 39 years later.
It Seems Yesterday Edits…
God is Witnessing
Too Long in
Starting Seeds and
Where Have You Gone
This song has touched me at my heart, and the feelings that followed inhabited my heart from then on.
I don’t know anything, but breathing my next breath, I can try to be mystical, and govern around me, like I’m king of the world, but even Kings have their peasant days… bad days, when nothing works out for them.
“Facing the decisions our minds” was one line of the song that everyone should agree with… we make decisions, and we gain rewards, or lose gains.
We reap what we sow. It’s a line in this song, and in the bible too. It was Paul trying to convey to the people, “we reap what we sow”, I want to sow truth, out of the garbage I collect, or was thrown away.
But they are everlasting treasures.
In a world of Queens And Kings, I wonder about everything, and what is true, or cleverly deceptive lies wearing the mask of truth. It gets tedious to go through the piles of data on the internet, trying to find the healing properties, that I need right now.
I know it’s love that heals my soul, but love is a two faced beast, and I have to figure out which is the head I’m dealing with, or it will bite me with judgments and lies. I need to be bitten with truth and love for me to see healing.
I could go on dreaming of paradise, and everything is peachy in the make believe world, but I need to take the covers off my head, and face the reality of where I live in the world.
There is no healing with the today’s medical treatment… unless you have an unlimited amount of funds, you’re just puppets to be manipulated by the medical industry for their benefit only.
I’m going off on a tangent here… lamenting on my bedsore, I could make up a song about my bedsore down to the bone.
Collagen Rich Foods
I saw this before or another version of it on Youtube, it made me buy bone broth, and put into the fridge of oblivion, and I forgot about it.
But now I’m reminded of what I bought it for, lying in bed for 3 years, in and out of the hospital for 9 months of those 3 years… I need more collagen for healing of this bedsore… chronic bedsore down to the bone.
Without hearing Doctor’s fear mongering, I know there are a few doctors that are good, but I don’t see them laying here in bed.
Anyway, this is a personal reminder for me to cook the bone broth again… hopefully to see healing around the bone… so this a short entry.
Social Media Sites
The Road to Freedom
Road to Freedom is a creation of Mike McFee, though I like to think, that I influenced the Sax piece, though I don’t know if I played it… so it becomes Mike playing it.
It was a good song only the low quality could be blamed on a bootlegged copy of Audacity, a free program, so why did they bootleg it.
I need to find the CD I have of it, it sounds better… this house of hoarder’s mess with piles all over the house, it’s beginning to remind me of the TV Show Hoarders… well not as bad as the TV show, but if I can’t clean up the piles… then it can grow as bad as that.
Right now, I have the Road To Freedom on loop with the VLC player, and it makes me want to hear the real true master version, I hear the tone of the Sax, and it sounds phony… but I know it sounded like a real Sax on the CD.
All I Know
“All I Know” is a song, I just remixed from a stereo file with a mastering plugin Ozone9, it needs a reverb plugin… it’s a good mastering plugin… minus the reverb module.
Anyway, it’s about the mind, and it is another world going on, invisible to others, but real to you. Sometimes it takes over your life, and for the mentally sick, it becomes obsessive or possessive.
All we know is our five senses to relate to this world, and interpret what we feel from it. It leaves a lot to be desired from what questions we have for it, such as God, and what is them… according to my faith as a Christian, “God is Spirit”, which turned into a collective, according to the first chapter of Genesis, before we went mad living in fear from someone who gave us life.
This was said in the Jewish scriptures as well, after God was portrayed as a tyrant, that needed to be feared, or he was making things bad things at whims… but people in fear, don’t see the reality around them rationally.
It’s my dilemma, and my problem to solve… I only want to share with you my dilemma.
Taste the truth is the only food that strengthens me, and with the world of artificiality, where you have to read the labels, to see what’s in your food… cancer is an overabundance of added sugars, they gave someone a Nobel prize for discovering that with cancerous tumors in 1931.
I’m ranting and preaching… my problem, and not yours… so I leave you with what’s on my mind lately.
And hopefully you see the light, and grow towards the true light… and not the reflections, which can be specialized, and false lights… such as religions, ideologies, political, etc..
This is a song, that has been a nightmare to mix with my failing ears… I no longer hear well.
And it’s just a stereo file, so it’s old school, I need to get into the multitrack version, with a whole host of mixing and fx… but that is when I have time to look at the other laptops.
I’m still trying to remain positive, posting what people don’t read cause of FB censorship, and may be just my paranoia of needing someone to blame for my feeling lonely.
The overseas problem in France, with the increasing the retirement age to 64 years, I’ve just gotten a call from an old classmate who is 66 years, and he works as an accountant at Rocket company… and he says he doesn’t want to retire… or else he’d be dead.
Love is a tricky subject, it jumps from one thing to the other thing in the speed of the new generations, and it gets tricky socially too, where calls aren’t answered, cause they aren’t in the mood… and you have to feel the weight of loneliness again, all at another time.
Or I could check myself into hospital and die… I would rather die naturally, and love myself, if that’s my only healing properties… but I know that it’s wrong… God is telling me now.
But God doesn’t expound on what God says… which is not the religion’s way, they bring up preachers of their religions, and they are always filling you with their words… and it leaves you with questions too.
There is no healing in this world, at least not in my life right now…
Maybe tomorrow is better.
There’s NO Target
I saw this youtube video about Ron DeSantis and him fighting the Disney corporation, and he equated Disney with the voting public, just like an individual that has a right to vote.
Corporatism – is a marriage between Govt and Corporations
It’s more like the richer the corporation, they buy the politicians, policies, the bureaucracies, military, etc., instead of votes, they(State) make deals with the corporations… it’s all so cozy for the fascist minded… and they’re only concern is for the profits, and not the freedoms of the people.
This is the end of my views, on this subject… I need to think about it and digest it thoroughly, and see if any heartburn surfaces in the digestion of it… all data is as food mentally, and we feed on the data piles setup as feed stations on the internet… social sites are our restaurants, and they get bad reputations from bad/false data.
So that’s my 2 cents… on corporatism.
I think the Music Industry is a scam/trap, and it’s a scam for the ignorant artist, as well for their fans too.
Lets talk about greed, and their connections to the music industry through profits.
They want more profits, and greed feeds those profits, once they start getting them. Sometimes through dark and deceptive channels… ethics is dead in marketing.
This is more recent of talking about the Music Industry by an independent artist Tom MacDonald.
But I see his ego taking him over from time to time, but I wish him all the success in the revealing all of the scams of the music industry.
I would like to reveal the deceptive side of the Music industry, and cause I wouldn’t deal with them on their terms, they blacklisted me… it was one my ego trips moments, but I can’t prove it, but I suspect my name was dirtied.
I’m imperfect in my music, and it shows… bad timing, off beats galore… but my heart was always truly shining through, and I was making my point, and I wanted to be heard, for my songs to be in the spotlight.
To sum up my musical life I didn’t own a guitar, but I started at 19 playing guitar seriously, before it was any guitar I ruined, and broke the Quick-Draw McGraw – El Kabong way. I started taking it seriously at 19 years old in USAF, my roommate had a guitar and I started playing that… and fell in love with it, and bought my own after my car accident… and started taking it seriously from then on.
I told you, as all artists got through a sentimental ego trip moments, where they feel they don’t deserve the actions, they get from the ones in power.
I’m just wanting to reveal, all the corruptions that exist in the music industry, as it is today.
So, don’t get bought by the devils, and be your own person… free and aware… don’t bite the hook of fame & wealth.
It will kill your ego, and sell you/soul to the music industry.