Tomidjah’s Sore Heart…


Tomidjah’s Sore Heart… Yes, I’m talking about myself in the third person…a classic sign of narcissism, but that remains to be a proven fact.

I’m lamenting or feeling sorry for myself, which I have done to myself, an uncounted number of times in my life. When I’ve been in despair with my loneliness… an endless amount of times, that I’ve come to accept as normal life.

I’ve just watched the mainstream news, and after watching about 30 minutes of news, I’m left feeling depressed.

The mainstream TV press is delivering all the bad news, with 10 minutes devoted to advertising, and the rest poisoning our minds. A small amount devoted to good news, anywhere between 5-2 minutes.  I just spent 30 minutes taking a poison pill.


I took part in the advertising mess when I was a kid, and it got me out of school to go on interviews for the shoots… but I suffered inside, and no one knew it, but me. My first taste of loneliness, and I was gulping from the loneliness tree, all of my life. Commercials just about killed me, when I was young.

I always believed in conspiracies, cause they had a pinch of truth… and they would cook and opened up more truths or delusions.

JFK assassination, and a long list of other conspiracy theories has put the govt in check, but gave host to a number of new lies. A classic sign of information warfare, where lies and truths battle it out on virtual battlefields. The innocent populations are the victims of manipulations… which I took part in. It’s the cross that I carry, and had to carry all of my life.

I’m sick of carrying that cross, I’d much rather whittle it, into a tool to fight with, or reveal the truth that will become obvious, and absolute in  all of our lives… I choose the latter.


The Truths and Delusions of Life


I came into this world as a baby, and I’m going out of this world as a baby too. With all the comedians making fun of the comparisons with infantility with aging to old age… we came into this world wearing diapers, and we go out of this world wearing diapers.

The first delusion I had to tackle, I never stopped wearing diapers… meaning I had no worries.

There are many more delusions and truths to life, too many to count. It’s like counting sand particles on a beach.  Why are you counting sand particles, or counting stars in the night sky? Are you an astronomer, or someone with a lot of time on their hands?

It’s just a rhetorical question, don’t bother answering it. It’s just a waste of time.


Life is made up of truths and delusions, that we have to sort through, like a jigsaw puzzle. We don’t have a picture of the puzzle to compare it to, we just go by feel… like a blind person feeling a wall, to get through this maze of life.

What do we really know? The more we learn, the more we suffer. I’m lamenting like King Solomon in Ecclesiastes. Where he’s put in despair, as I am right now. Which he brought up about numbering things was a total waste of time.

It’s the polishing of metals, but why… is there a show at the end of life?

Another delusion to get over… more like a stumbling block to climb over. What’s on the path full of stumbling blocks, the ultimate and absolute truth?

I guess we’ll never know, cause after we answer that question, a host of other questions will arise. I took Metaphysics in College, and after we answered the question, it opened up another host of questions to answer. It was a neverending path to madness.


Getting over Stumbling Blocks on the Path of Life… or Madness


You will decide your own life, but know you’re in control of your own life… no matter what you believe. There will be many loudmouths speaking from the reasonable pulpit, making sense to your thirst for reason, but they will be leading you astray.

There are many who will lead you astray for their own reasons and agendas, but you could be polite and smile, or stand your ground, if you don’t feel they’re being sincere and truthful. This life is yours, and yours alone… don’t let anyone push you into where you don’t want to go.

Cause in my opinion, however you see it, we are all going to the same place. We were born from dust, and we return to dust at the end of life. Well, our ancestors were born from dust, they just propagated us from the wombs of females, but  without the sperm of males, there would be no life.
Just a little rib from   the male sense of humor.


The Music of Life


I want to leave you with a smile at least, and not my deep feelings that bring depression… cause I want to end this on a positive note.

We all make music in our lives, to those who have talents, that is our musical instruments. Our talents, and we play those instruments to further our talents and our joys.

We all are musicians, and our music is the buildings we built for others, or properties we sold to others, or paintings we share with others, but whatever your talents, your talents are yours, and yours alone. Do what you wish to do with your talents, and don’t be pushed into what you don’t want to do with your talents.

Make a song everyone would enjoy.


To those musicians out there, don’t get conned into buying a bunch of toys, that leave you overwhelmed, and don’t produce anything, but a sore ego. It’s not good for your mental health, I’m talking from experience. It can be depressing, to say the least.

Just remember that you’ll get over it, in your own way. To whatever God you follow, or your own intelligence, which is another delusion to figure out. Just don’t choose suicide, or you will live to regret it. You can listen to me or not, I just wish, you will listen to me.

Suicide is not the answer… living is more the answer.

This world is making it harder to live without money. All the pseudo leaders that elect themselves under a delusional principle, that deludes themselves into believing, that they deserve that power of leadership.

The more I see of this world, that can go either way… for the better or worse. I’m sick of choosing the worse. I’m weighed down by others stepping on me, imposing their views, and I’m left without recourse… besides violence.

Violence has never solved problems, only exasperated them, and multiplied them.

What war, ended all wars?

All wars  only  lead to more wars… it’s a wonder, you haven’t learned it by now. Winners and losers can cohabitate on this world, without wars, pains, and tears. Love is the principle that will make that happen.

But we need to murder all the capitalists and socialists first, and those big sluggards who thirst for power… oh I’m not supposed to close on that note… more of the sick humor of a man.