The Mind of Tomidjah … It’s Dark and Bright

— The Mind of Tomidjah … It’s Dark and Bright —


 

tomidjahI feel like the twisters in this soul of Tomidjah, is tearing me apart. I’m an egocentric narcissist right now. I’m sworn to truth before God. It takes a toll on my body and my mind, which is me in total.

The weather inside is killing me, over and over again. I seek shelter from the weather in my safe place, but that is riddled with holes. Doubt, is the biggest gaping hole, that the weather can get in. There is no more safe place that protects me from the weather. The weather is everyone talking about me, with lies mostly, and the little truth.

In my mind, I imagine everyone talking about me. Hence, the narcissism reference. Don’t bring up the paranoia reference, cause I see all of us as paranoid schizoids, but to what degree is the question.

We all are the same, at one point in all of our lives. I seek an understanding. Something I can stand up on and feel stable. That’s understanding to me. Something that gives you strength and stability. Sure footed in your progressions through life.

 

Indifferences Throughout this Life of Tomidjah

I‘ve been feeling unsure of everything I do. The neighbors are friendly and polite, but I thought about it strong and hard last night of this thought.

 

“Politeness is just organized indifference”

 

One hides his feelings deep within themselves, and when confronted with their own thoughts, they would like to escape conflict and be polite. Indifferences is the worst attributes of mankind. The more we ignore it, the more it grows within ourselves.

When we fight it, we choose to blame God for our suffering. Or blame God for our indifferences. Though God is far from that fact. God delivers us from our apathies.

God doesn’t create our indifferences. Indirectly, through us, God creates them.

The key point, it’s US who creates them. I could go on and on fighting my indifferences with the world’s politics, but it only fills my head with sick thoughts. Which makes me only more indifferent to the world’s problems.

 

Again politeness is only an organized indifference as Paul Valery stated. I never knew Paul Valery, before I explored his mind with my imaginations. Imaginations are like a silver tongued devil/snake, or a great light shining on the confusions of the minds.

Imagination, it creates fools, or wise men, at its whims.

Imaginations are deceptive to fools, and revealing to the wise. We don’t choose what the outcomes of our imaginings. If we are innocent in the imaginations, we have nothing to fear, but when we judge another in our imaginations, then we have a lot to fear.

Don’t let the delusions control you, cause they’re merciless in their judgments.

 

The Darkness of Tomidjah

I have a darkside to my mind, which I like to keep hidden, as we all do with our politeness.

Only sometimes it leaks out with my madness and anger. My Brooklyn accent is strong when I’m angry. It’s also very dark in its mercy. It’s mercy is more like pity.

The darkness is really depressing in my solitude too. Depression is what I fight everyday, as we all do.

I’m not being a narcissist, am I?

Narcissists are manic depressives, I would guess from their speeches. What can I talk about,… uh, uh ME. I’m not a narcissist. One sign of a narcissist is talking about themselves, which is what this post is about. So I’m a narcissist.

Am I making you self conscious?

Get over it, you are a narcissist too. We all are narcissists. To what degree is what makes us different. We are at different degrees of sickness throughout all our lives. There are times we have strength, and the weaker go unnoticed. The weaker are stronger than ourselves at times, and show love to us, which makes us feel bad.

 

My indifferences extremely make my life harder, when I ignore them. They multiply like Kefir in milk. They ain’t a probiotic, which is a benefit. Rather than a detriment like indifference. Indifference is the take down of all that you built.

I haven’t told you of all of my darksides, the more you don’t know, the more safer you are.

I’m the devil to the holy, and a saint to the sinners, but I’m no different than anyone else in the world. I’m not greater than anyone else, nor worse than anyone else either. Therefore, I’m just a normal person.

We all have darksides. You’re just in denial, if you deny it.

 

The Brightness of Tomidjah

I have a bright side too. When I shine with love and truth, but that is very rare. When I’m battling with my darkside. Which I find is the same with everyone I meet. We all have our demons that we battle. Sometimes victorious and sometimes defeated. It depends on our moods, that we show the outcomes of our battles.

If I designed this world, we all would be Jabba da Hutts. So thank God, Tomidjah is not your leader.

 

The world is so massive and complex. We have discovered 0.1% of its mysteries… or maybe more. I don’t know. I always looked to the skies and the stars, and was amazed at all the beauty that seemed a neverending mystery to me.

Also, I always was depressed at the mysteries, that seemed unreachable to me. I could dream, but that always seemed more depressing. The grace that I’ve been blessed with, a good family, truth, and an ethical foothold where I could stand on my soapbox, and spout off what I wanted to say. Of course all of the people would view me as a nut, but I know I touched them, if only to plant a seed. The future, when the seed grows, I’ll be dead. I hope it’s not a weed.

Religions are the gardens of weeds. Jesus, knows what I’m talking about. Delusions are weeds growing out of control, and the fruits there of, makes more seeds for propagating and spreading.

What happened to mankind? We let religions take control, and speak for God with delusions. God is not delusional. Jesus spoke to pharisees confessing their sins, and they killed him.

 

The Brightness of Tomidjah : Chapter#2

I love Jesus, not sexually, but platonically. Though I have been mistaken many times for a gay man, and they always gave me a surprised look when I would tell them, I’m not gay.

Let’s get off of that transit. The brightness is getting dim… maybe in few seconds it will light again.

Pilot lights that we shine with our empty fuel gauges that’s supplied by our spirit tanks. Where we get our spirits refueled, whether from demons or from the holy.

Demons would be from the alcohol, which would transform us into a different person entirely, and reveal us to be the fools that we are. Or from the holy which usually is a delusion in itself, because of the prideful thoughts which is blinding to say the least.

I’m talking the truth, but what I have said is not what I wanted to say, cause there is many questions left in you. I didn’t cause understanding, that is left up to you. I’m sounding like a prophet, but that is my last intention. I planted the seeds of my normalness, and my truthfulness being the egocentric fool that I am. You have to decide about yourself.

If you didn’t give up before you read this, then I thank you for getting this far. We all are fools and wise individuals, to lesser and greater degrees at different times in our lives.

Just breathe and live, and don’t fear death… it will come, no matter what you do.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil

 

Conclusion of Tomidjah

Death will come to us all, but the resurrections will come too, but not as we expect them. It will all unfold as designed by God, not men/women.

Which is God, but not one man or woman, by all of us. Collectively as in the first chapter of Genesis, before it was distorted.

 

“And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. “

 

I’m at a loss for words, the most important of my words, has not been said.  The spirit of God will explain the rest.

 

“My work consists of two parts: of the one which is here, and of everything which I have not written. And precisely this second part is the important one.”Ludwig Wittgenstein