Sexual Understanding: A day of Discovery

— Sexual Understanding: A day of Discovery —


Sexual understanding is the first step towards the awakening. It’s a shaky lifelong staircase, but once it’s understood, its solid ground. The understanding, if it’s true, will be your strength. When all else fails around you.

Sexual understanding is the awakening of your core. It comes out of the foggy existence of your being’s understanding. Sexual understanding is a deeper understanding of sex and love. You’ll feel enlightened.

Sexual confusion has followed me all my life, and I suffered from love with bitterness, which propagated more bitterness. I was in a no escape mentality, I was at a battle with love. Judgments filled my mind, when I thought of love and sex. I always saw them as different acts.

There was sex and love, and when I tried to combine them as one existence, I always was hurt.


Love was superior to sex to me.

You had to be in love before sex. I was always confused, that the sex, made love possible.

That ideology, is the horse before the cart. The thought, that sex before love, is like a caveman’s mind inventing the wheel, before he had the reasoning or the need to move something.


Sexual Understanding is the next step towards Death

Sorry, to turn this towards our end of our lives, as we know it.

It’s a bit grim, but it’s a truth that we all must face. We all will die, and breathe no more. We return to the dust, where we were formed from. It depends on your faith, and your outlook on life.

Some believe that we are gods, some believe in Jesus, some believe that Muhammad was a prophet, some believe that the Jews were the chosen ones, and some believe that there are many ways to God. I believe in all these things, to a certain degree, that mankind has not tainted it with.


Sexual understanding is a misnomer, cause I can be confused again, and even more desperate for understanding. For now, I’m not confused, but I’m ready for the mistaken step, unsure steady step, where I lose my balance.

If I stumble, I’ll remember that it’s just a setback, and I’ll go on.

We live this life struggling to understand it, I’m sick of suffering, cause it’s struggling with God.

Like Job in the Bible, he had his struggles with the devil and understanding God. The devil is a part of God, but he’s in now way equal to God. He’s no more equal to God, than you and me. He deserves our disdain, and love. He’s a deluded fool.

I’m a deluded fool too, cause I judged him. You reap what you sow.


I spoke too soon : Struggling with Confusion

I just want to find a close to this post, and sexual understanding should be a good closing. You see, I became confused again. We all are fighting confusion in our lives. One day we understand, and are on top of the world. When I started this post, I understood, but by the end of this post I became confused. Probably too proud, and I stumbled over a stumbling block, cause I was blinded by pride.

I’m like Job struggling with God through the devil’s testing nature. I curse the devil, but I know he’s a part of God, no matter how microscopically small part of God he is, so I guess I curse God. The devil plays in the courts of God. He’s either the prosecutor or the defense attorney, it depends on his views at the time.

He’s no more than a professional liar. The devil, that is.


Sexual musical inspiration

The following song I composed on the Korg M1, called “SEX at 4am”. I got the M1 when I returned to NY from the UK, where I had the pleasure of the sounds on the keyboard and the sequencer. I got inspired from watching porn and the music tracks that accompanied them. This song was like a sex session with a keyboard.

Also, I got hooked, and was a porn addict in the early 90’s, and then I moved out of NY in 1996, and went to study the drug called porn. Which was like the many drugs, both illegal and legal. They’re both good and evil. Prescriptions are legal, but they have the same effect as the illegal ones. It’s only, the only state sanctioned drugs.

Anyway, this is the song “Sex at 4am”. If your wondering why it’s 4am? After I finished it, I looked at the clock.



This is supposed to be about sexual understanding, not the meaning of life. Though sexual understanding should be about the making of more lives. To be fruitful and multiply, and all that.  So I’m not that far off the mark in my confusing wandering.

Babbling in your thoughts is a refreshing walk, cause you can drink from the brook of your babbles. You can commune with God, and sometimes God can be gracious, and give you an understanding. Hopefully, God gave you an understanding, cause that’s God’s gift to the world.

Understanding, enlightenment, and revealing the keys out of the prison cell of your confusion. I freed myself, hopefully you did too.