My Battles With Puberty
Puberty was confusing, to say the least.
I remember my first sex act, and my first orgasm with someone else… it made me feel ashamed. I guess she was feeling in love… but it seemed excruciatingly wrong to me.
Orgasms have a way of making you feel…your whole body tightens up and you spew your semen, sometimes too quickly.
I was with 4 women sexually/intercourse before my accident, there were others, but no intercourse. Only kissing and 2nd base, also 3rd base very rarely.
It’s funny how you pick a sport to describe how far you get.
Well, I wasn’t a lover, no matter what they said… the rumors were flying through the school halls. I was trying to understand the feelings of puberty… cause they confused me, and it was uneasy feeling to say the least.
Equating it with love, and it was disguised as a biological ultimatum.
Without the urge to Jerk Off, and it was the only way to tame it… or so I thought.
I was a crazed masturbation addict, and didn’t want to admit it… it carried a lot of shame.
I was a shy kid.
I guess this was an embarrassing post to write, but that’s me… I always make a fool of myself.
But Puberty kicked my Ass into confusion and chaos… I felt things, and I wasn’t empathetic to anyone else’s feelings.
Feelings and Orgasms
It was always my feelings.
Well, it’s the way we all feel, if you want to be honest with yourself.
We are all narcissistic assholes, at some point in our lives… when growing up.
Where your feelings override another’s feelings, cause you have unsympathetic moments.
I hold a lot of simply, not being understood moments, that I need to apologize about, cause I put my feelings before others. Then there are those moments, when you put your feelings before mine too.
Tit for tat doesn’t make it right or wrong, cause before God, or what you perceive to be God at death, all the facts of our lives, the lies and truths about our lives will be revealed.
At least, that is what I’m hoping for.
Conclusion of Understanding of Puberty
We need a break/relief from the unfairness of life, and seek out the fairness of life.
There is a lot of beauty and grace in life, as well as the ugly side.
It’s what you choose to make up your life, and your life will reflect that.
So I apologize, if I treated any of you as unfair. It was never meant to hate you or hurt you.
I was having a battle with my puberty… I wanted to understand it, and not being oppressed by it, like a tyrannical dictator.
Someone said in my mind, write about it… and it will free you.
I guess I’ll find out tomorrow morning… maybe I’ll understand it.
Understanding is freedom from the burdens of confusion… and I’ve been under the storm clouds of confusion, since I was 14 years old.