We wait for the signs, and they are always changing like the waves of the sea, every wave seems the same, but every wave has a different effect on the shoreline. Erosion takes place with every wave hit, but it also brings in sand. The displacement, be it plus or negative, the shoreline is always changing. It’s the nature of life, a little give and take to shore up our security for a good life or bad life.
As I look around the world, I have a lot of toys(tech toys) and land, but that never brought me happiness…I always suspected I was part of the MKUltra(whatever name it evolved into when I was in the service with the USAF), where the CIA(OSS, maybe another govt agency) placed me under their secret drug testing covert experiments when I was in the service in the late 70’s.
I went to see a psychiatrist/or a psychologist and he asked me some strange questions, but I had to take the test before he would give me his judgment… it was like a test for the psychotic vs normal fears.
I was in a manic depressive state when I was in the USAF, but I was a normal growing kid before then. I experimented with PCP(angeldust) when I was in the USAF, it had a mind altering effect on me, and could be blamed on my temperament, cause I need anger management… or it was hereditary, but for my parent’s sake, I’ll go with the drug’s effect. They gave me the drug under the guise of THC, but it was PCP, I knew the effects of THC, and the high was different to say the least.
It was a strange kind of high, it was like I was outside my body looking down on the room I was in, a very dissociative state of mind effect. The experience or the high probably gave it the name of “angeldust” to the drug, cause you were talking to angels day and night.
The two way communications, that was over 37 years ago, but I met God back then, and God has grown more mysterious over the years. I wonder if I’ll ever know what God is, cause the more I seek God the more evasive God becomes. God never stops talking to me, God says never give up, cause you’ll be surprised at the end of life…you’ll find joy first, and it will only get better.
I’ve found only lost hopes and dreams, but I also found wisdom and truth, so it balances out…but I’m not looking for pain. That seems all I ever find, with a little joy in the enlightenment…and the joy is a heavy component that weighs out and cancels the pain, but the transition from the pain is slow.
I always thought of suicide, but God always scolded me from it, but I always thought it was the easy way out of life, instead of long hard road of life… but the hardness of life is where we get our treasures in the afterlife. So, when you see someone having a hardlife, don’t feel sorry for him, you give him the burden of feeling sorry for you in the afterlife. I already revealed too much of my heart to you. Good Night ♥ ☺
Below are YouTube Playlists
These are Youtube Playlists, meaning they play a long list of songs, or you can play from Youtube itself by clicking on the Youtube logo… but ads don’t show up with the small resolutions of these music videos.