My Struggle : Dealing with Humanity

— My Struggle : Dealing with Humanity —


my struggleWe try and live without struggles, but struggles exist in all our lives. So this post is my struggle dealing with the human populations, as a disabled person.

I exist, as all exist with their own problems. Those problems are different for everyone, for sure.

It is my “mein kampf” I’m writing, since I’ve been in prison on solitary confinement. I get the drug called “money”, but it only lets me to live, and consume more products.

Even though they’re recalled for the production chemicals that are put in them. Corporations find cheaper labor for producing the products in other countries, and the labor force goes down in this country. We no longer have the cutting edge in education with technology, it’s more scheming than open planning.

We seek profit as our first priority, rather than nurturing the power of love. My struggle is to live with the unfeeling people, and not kill them, because I’m a coward.

I turn my struggle inside, and kill my own feelings which are an erosive agent to my heart. I would like the courage to kill others to protect me from my heart’s erosion, but that’s not right, making my struggle even more painful.


People look at me and judge me, but all they see is the wheelchair, and they come up with their preconceived notions about my character, but they don’t know how hard it is to take a shit. When you have to put on vinyl gloves with KY Jelly, and stick your finger up your rectum, and evacuate your bowels.

The time passed anywhere between an hour or two, and that’s not counting the time to take a shower after, which adds on another hour or two. So that’s about 2-4 hours, before I’m dressed, and able to face the day.

The people you see are oblivious to your struggles, and doesn’t realize the time it takes for you to face the day.

Old age is another time waster, I could do it in a lot shorter time, when I was first hurt. I had a very vigorous motivation, when I was young in my 20’s, and shit and showered in a half hour, which progressed to an hour in my 30’s. Then was an hour even in my 40’s, but there were 2 hour moments, but when I reached my 50’s, it seemed when I have my 2 hour moments, it’s a good day.


My struggle isn’t any different than yours, the time degrades for all of us. You had the vigor when you were young, and time seemed to go in slow motion, and now that I’m older, time goes by in fast motion. There isn’t enough time in the day to achieve what you want to do.

Cognitive abilities are suffering too, cause I took drugs galore in my younger days. They were an experience, but my imaginations were expanded, and the dreams were bigger. Certain cognitive abilities were not expanded, and suffered losses, mainly the parts dealing with the emotions.

Love was cruel to me, it took me almost 50 years to get a grasp on the meaning of love.

Love is the most powerful part of mankind, it can change the world.

Politics is the verbal interaction that can change the world too, but it has been in charge for all of my life, and the world only gets worse. It becomes more pretty with the big egos as a facade, but at the core, it becomes more ugly and shallow. It’s empty at the core of our existence.

We create facades with our imaginations, but not live them, thus becoming a false prophet with big dreams and hopes. We elect a lot of false prophets that deal with lies and campaign promises, that never come true. That’s the politics of the world’s powers. We align ourselves to a nation, which is an organ of the world body. What those organs do is much like the organs of the human body. The kidneys dispel toxins our of the body in the urine, and the bowels dispel feces waste.

Well that’s the politics of the world, dispelling all the shit.


My struggle is trying to articulate what I want to say, and for your to understand the way I’m trying to articulate it.

I fail constantly.

Time is in fast forward mode when you’re old, when I was young, time was in slow motion mode.

I would need volumes of books, to fill a library, to document all of my struggles, but your struggles are more important to you, and your lives. I’m just feeling sorry for myself and whining to release steam. I read portions of Hitler’s Mein Kampf and the little I read, was depressing to say the least.

He was a smart man, but God made him insane.


“The sanity of society is a balance of a thousand insanities.”

— RALPH WALDO EMERSON, “Nominalist and Realist,” Essays

“Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad.”  — Unknown


And also the struggle of hackers taking part of kicking me when I’m down, and changing codes that messes up my pages. I’m sick of the hackers, that’s on top of the list of the people I want to kill.


Chaos is their pleasure, cause it amazes them, but awe is entertaining, when the awful is done to others… the day of awe is not happening to you now.