Minnows to Suckers


I lived in upstate NY, but I grew up in Brooklyn, when I graduated from parochial school, I started high school in upstate NY, in 1972 at the Grand Gorge Central School.

This was in my backyard, a waterfall.

I was blessed, I went from a concrete jungle to the trees and cows, which I never saw before and up close too, I stared at the cows for hours, and they stared at me too chewing their cud.
It was like a meditative moment, but to get back to the waterfall and the Suckers and the minnows.

I want to inform you not all minnows are Suckers, from my research with minnows which is looking up the word in the dictionary and on the internet, I learned that all minnows are the babies of bigger fishes…both freshwater and saltwater.

I was always amazed at the fish in the pool of water that filled under the waterfall, it was like my own private pool. I saw minnows at the shallow parts of the pool, and I saw big Suckers at the deep end of the pool.

It was like my own private temple where I communed with God, and pondered the universe. I was at my peak during those times, and my imaginations reflected that, and the deceptions crept in and made a home. I wanted to make peace with my demons, and that move, doubled them, until it was a big party demons and angels.

They had their differences, but they worked together.
I was carrying the cross of the burden of making peace between them, but they were never satisfied, and they brought that image to the world through me, sometimes reluctantly.

I started this talking reminiscing of a time in my life when I controlled the world, in my naivete ignorance.
But what brought me to this predicament, when I was discussing minnows and big suckers, lets get back to the fishes. I caught them with a bent needle and squished piece of white bread, then I moved up to the barbed hook, getting them off with the barbed hook was a nightmare.
I’m a sensitive guy, and I felt their pain…they were just fishes, and I was a human, so I excused my pain and theirs, but I knew it was wrong.

This video tells the size of the fish, well about 6-12 inches smaller, but to a child about 13 years old,  it was a whale to me.
They didn’t bite the bread they just laid on the bottom sucking the floor of the pool. I think I used salmon eggs one day to test them, and that didn’t work, so I ended up using night crawler worms… and they bit and got hooked, and I quickly just lost interest…the thrill was gone, along with the enjoyment of fishing all together.

I’m a pill that is hard to swallow for some, a party pooper, a killjoy. I lose interest in about everything.

I want to understand it, and I find joy in that, but once I understand it, I look to what’s next.

To make a point of this reminiscing, I just like to blah blah blah, to make noise with my ego to make known my existence, you could say I’m a sucker in the bottom of the pool… you could say we all are suckers in the pool of life.
We end up dying, squirming on the dry beds of trials through this life, but whatever point I’m trying to make, it’s best made with yourself in your quiet meditations with God/universe/whatever gives you peace.