Growing Old

— Growing Old and Older by the Minutes —


It Sucks… it doesn’t get any better.

Life, just left me depressed all the time. I was suicidal the first part of my life, and alcohol left me with many pains. It was life in general, not any one thing, but conglomerate of many problems, they gang up on my character and become a heavy burden, I can not bear anymore.

Then I met God, not the way I wanted to meet God, I doubted God with disdain, and that seed grew into a great tree of disdain. Along with many other named trees such as the wisdom tree, the love tree, and the lust tree, there are many trees with different names, but I won’t go into listing them, also some have good fruit on them.

It’s what we think about, our thoughts, that are our seeds, you plant them in your hearts and your minds, and there are trees that grow from those seeds.

Some fruit will be bitter and sour, or some sweet and juicy. There may be some that are poisonous too. You think bad things, usually they’re the poisonous ones, some are fast acting poisonous, and some take years, even decades, or sometimes they attack you in old age.

The thought of everything positive in your life, is a blessing, so be thankful that you had the time to live. Even the painful life, you’re not a masochist if you appreciate life in the seat of pain, cause you will deserve the throne of comfort in the future.


My Dad went in the hospital this morning, he is 87 and had a heart attack, they’re supposed to put a stent on the vein side of the heart, in fact the operation is an angioplasty with a stent. I’m not a doctor nor do I want to be, it seems doctors only know the terminology of medicine, better than me, but they are being programmed by the Pharma companies… to pass out the pills, rather than understanding what heals the body.

Pills are just good at putting you to sleep, I once took Ambien, and when I woke up I was tenser than a tight E string going to break, everything set me off into a rage… I think they called it “unusual excitement, nervousness, or irritability” in the side effects. Well, I had that side effect every time I took Ambien, which was 4 times before I realized I was going off the wall, uncontrollably mad at the littlest of things.

I stopped after I realized that the drug had side effects that gave my inner impulses control, rather than my reasoning powers. It was like the flesh was winning over my spiritual side.

We all get old and unhealthy in our old age, we look to eat healthy with healthy foods, but we need to fast to bring our bodies to balance occasionally, but we can try bring our bodies to balance other ways too, but fasting is the most natural way.

With the way the food industry is today, with all the toxicants that is added to food products today as preservatives, it’s a wonder why we ain’t dead, I guess a slow poisoning is less painful than a fast acting poison.

Getting older sucks, but getting older brings blessings too… it depends on the seeds planted in your life.


Growing Old

What is it to grow old?
Is it to lose the glory of the form,
The luster of the eye?
Is it for beauty to forego her wreath?
—Yes, but not this alone.

Is it to feel our strength—
Not our bloom only, but our strength—decay?
Is it to feel each limb
Grow stiffer, every function less exact,
Each nerve more loosely strung?

Yes, this, and more; but not
Ah, ’tis not what in youth we dreamed ‘twould be!
‘Tis not to have our life
Mellowed and softened as with sunset glow,
A golden day’s decline.

‘Tis not to see the world
As from a height, with rapt prophetic eyes,
And heart profoundly stirred;
And weep, and feel the fullness of the past,
The years that are no more.

It is to spend long days
And not once feel that we were ever young;
It is to add, immured
In the hot prison of the present, month
To month with weary pain.

It is to suffer this,
And feel but half, and feebly, what we feel.
Deep in our hidden heart
Festers the dull remembrance of a change,
But no emotion—none.

It is—last stage of all—
When we are frozen up within, and quite
The phantom of ourselves,
To hear the world applaud the hollow ghost
Which blamed the living man.